


'Fake Fic Title' Ask Meme

by OhMyGlobWhatthefrickamievendoing



Series: GN! MC x Mammon prompts [8]
Category: Shall We Date?: Obey Me!
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Human, Alternate Universe - Magic, Angst, Cross-Posted on Tumblr, Developing Relationship, Fluff, Found Family, Gender-Neutral Main Character (Shall We Date?: Obey Me!), Gender-Neutral Pronouns, Hurt/Comfort, Mutual Pining, Other, Pirates, Praise Kink, Protective Lucifer, Soft Mammon, Sub Mammon (Shall We Date?: Obey Me!), Tumblr Prompt, Warnings/Additional Tags in Each Chapter Summary, mermaid au, monster au, soft mc, unnamed MC
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-31
Updated: 2020-10-22
Packaged: 2021-03-07 02:00:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 17
Words: 24,417
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26209093
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OhMyGlobWhatthefrickamievendoing/pseuds/OhMyGlobWhatthefrickamievendoing
Summary: Collection of fics for the 'Fake Fic Title' ask memeDetailed outline/summary of the fic I would have written for it, dialogue included in certain parts for a fake fic title I was sent****WILL contain both SFW & NSFW material, as well as many different AUs (eg: human AU, different first meeting AU, etc.)NEW CHAPTERS:CHAPTER 13 - Treasure Planet and Other Childhood Memories -> Human Au, Childhood Best Friends, Enemies to Friends to LoversCHAPTER 14 - Fountain of Youth -> Post Lesson 38 Canon, Non-compliant with Lesson 39CHAPTER 15 - Make it Rain -> Human AU, Stripper AUCHAPTER 16 - Witch Hunt -> Fantasy AU, Witch & Familiar AUCHAPTER 17 - Worth More Than Gold -> Mer + Pirate AU, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Casual thoughts of murder, Minor blood, violence and character death, Vague Suicidal Ideations, Happy Ending
Relationships: Lucifer & Mammon (Shall We Date?: Obey Me!), Main Character & Mammon (Shall We Date?: Obey Me!), Main Character/Mammon (Shall We Date?: Obey Me!), Mammon (Shall We Date?: Obey Me!) & Reader, Mammon (Shall We Date?: Obey Me!)/Reader
Series: GN! MC x Mammon prompts [8]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1854172
Comments: 113
Kudos: 242





	1. Paper Flowers

**Author's Note:**

> More chapters to be added to this
> 
> Please let me know what you think!!!!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> No warnings/additional tags applicable
> 
> *If there is something you are uncomfortable with please let me know and I'll add it

Flowers are pretty and unique but they wither away quickly, even faster when picked. Paper flowers while pretty are cheap imitations and really can't live up to the real thing.

It's been a long long time since MC has been gone but he still yearns for them, deeply and painfully. For a while he had still expected them to pop around the corner with a stupid smile on their face ready to cause trouble with him and face down Lucifer's wrath together. But they didn't. They never would again. At first Mammon tries to go back to how he was before them. He used to be much less shy and easily flustered when he didn't have feelings for whoever he was fucking. So he tries to go back to that. When that doesn't work he looks for alternatives. Complex memory spells that let him see shades or visions of them. Curling up on the covers in their room and closing his eyes and trying to imagine them. Imagine snuggling with them. Or playing games with them, Beel and Levi. He'd run his fingers through his hair and pretend it was them. He'd read over their chats or listen to their voice messages. He'd hire escorts or sex workers and ask them to use a spell that would act as a glamour so that they'd look like his human and he'd just stare at them, or ask them to say his name, or hug him just so he could feel like he was with his human again. It all spirals from there until all these escapes from reality become an addiction, another thing he's greedy for & Lucifer who has being burying himself in more work than usual takes notice and at first he is pissed. But once realising how bad it's got, how badly Mammon is dealing with it, how badly the others are dealing with it, how badly he himself is dealing with it he gathers his shit together and decides to use what the human taught him and talk and work through their issues together, with his family. The rest would be Mammon and Lucifer bonding, talking about MC, each sharing stories and talking about how much they both loved the human in their own unconditional way, how they'd do anything just to see them again, to spend another minute together, at some point Mammon is just fully sobbing into Lucifer's shoulder telling him how MC made him feel like he wasn't just scum and then Lucifer's telling him how Mammon was the only demon he could have trusted to protect MC, and how he was right and how proud he is of him, and how taking Mammon in back in the Celestial Realm was the best decision Lucifer ever made and how despite what he says and does Lucifer adores Mammon and _"They did too. Mammon, they loved you so inconceivably, so wholly that I worried I might replace Levi as the Avatar of Envy. They looked at you and saw someone who more than deserved all their unconditional love and they were right. They always were."_

~~And then MC comes back after a week in the Celestial Realm~~


	2. Come On, Pretty Boy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A walk through time fic!
> 
> Slight NSFW implied

Back when they first made their pact, before they even really knew each other, when MC's still scheming to make a pact with Levi and release Belphie and dragging (a clueless) reluctant Mammon along with them. "Come on, pretty boy! Hurry it up!" Mammon splutters, flushes, growls, "I'm not pretty ya dumb human! Asmo's the pretty one! If anythin' I'm cool!" MC rolls their eyes because it's only been a few days but they've already got Mammon figured out "Sure."

Playing games with Levi and Beel. MC's kicking Mammon's ass in Devil Cart. "Come on, pretty boy!" Their tone is teasing. He growls.

They're much closer now. He spends most nights in their room because it's the only way to guarantee he'll get some sleep. MC holding him after a nightmare, stroking through his hair, "Come on, pretty boy." they whisper. He clutches at them tighter.

The others around him screaming, arguing, crying but all he can focus on is MC. Their weight in his arms, the warmth of their body, the way their breath seems to stutter, their blood seeping out. He's begging them, and screaming at Lucifer to do something and praying to a god who abandoned him. And they're raising a shaky hand to his cheek, wiping at his tears "C'mon...p-pretty boy, d-don't cry" "Please," he begs

"Come on, pretty boy!" they say cackling and running, dragging him behind them as Lucifer screams and chases after them.

"Come on, pretty boy. I need to go." They say during their last moments together as he hugs them tightly as a last ditch effort to get them to stay with him. They still leave.

"Come on, pretty boy! I'm not that dumb!" They laugh through their D.D.D. all the way from back up in the human world at whatever overly exaggerated story he had just spun. "I miss you" he says

"Come on, pretty boy." they say softly, fingers interlocking with his and leading him out of the room when his brothers words become too harsh

He's whining and withering under them, back arching and begging for more, they hold him closer, nipping at his ear and finally growling "Come on, pretty boy."

They're at another one of Diavolo's parties. "Come on, pretty boy" they say happy and a little flushed, holding out a hand and waiting to drag him out to the dance floor

Centuries later and looking not a day older than the day they returned to the Devildom, but with teeth a little too sharp and eyes a little too bright for a human's, except maybe their teeth have always been a little too sharp and their eyes a little too bright and maybe they just live in a house of idiots who were always so caught up in their own problems they wouldn't have noticed it. They still look at him with so much love in their eyes it makes his heart hurt. Centuries later and they are still tangling him up in their schemes. "Come on, Pretty Boy! Hurry it up!" Mammon splutters, flushes, growls, "I'm not pretty ya dumb human! Asmo's the pretty one! If anythin' I'm cool!" MC rolls their eyes because it's been centuries and they've got Mammon figured out "Sure." They hold out their hand. He takes it.


	3. Sugar Baby

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alternate Meeting Fic!

Lucifer & Mammon are in the human realm for something or another, whatever business would require Lucifer to drag Mammon along and have them stay a few days. On the first day Mammon sees something shiny that catches his attention, it's some small trinket that they have right at the checkout counter of shops, it's basically worthless but fuck if he doesn't want it and he's begging Lucifer using puppy dog eyes that he knows for a fact will work if he just gets Lucifer to look directly at him. Lucifer refuses and they're causing a scene and holding up the line. When a human slaps down the thing Mammon wants on the counter and pays for it and then pushes it towards him. The man is absolutely flabbergasted. Just so much confusion. He's stuttering, flushing, trying to say he doesn't need the charity of some random human while also clutching on to the item with a death grip. The human barely blinks and has already started loading their things on to the counter and then Lucifer is dragging Mammon out while still scolding him.

The next day he sneaks out, he doesn't have much money because he'd just finished paying the witches but now that he was in the human world he might as well go visit the kid even if that means the witches will start making their demands earlier. No way he's gonna turn up empty handed though, Mammon needs ta spoil his brat. So he's haggling with the cashier trying to reduce the price of a soft toy (it's a crow plushie - look he didn't mean to pick it up it's just that it looked cute and the kid liked the dumb bird and it's not because of any connection to him okay) when someone drops the remaining cash on the counter and Mammon's freaking out because that's definitely the same human as last time and _are they following him??? Are they a witch???? Do they want something???? Are they evil?????_ And the human's just like _I work here?????_ _And you looked like you really wanted it? And it's not that much money???_ And Mammon just kinda walks away in a daze clutching the toy to his chest and face bright red. The human stares after him because wtf??? They worked retail part time, they had no money to spare on some random guy just cause he was cute but MC's dumb and smitten so of course they run after him and ask if they can treat him to a coffee after their shift and Mammon who's only ever fucked around and never in his thousands of years gone on an actual date where someone paid for him is so fucking confused because _had this human figured out he's a demon? Is this them making a tribute? Do they want to make a pact?_ But free stuff is free stuff! So he agrees and when they meet up later the human buys him coffee and when he eyes some spicy looking treat in the display case they buy it for him without a word. And Mammon is giddy because holy shit what is happening!? And he's flustered because _holy shit what is happening!?_ And his stomach feels weird and his face is hot and his heart is pounding. And he blurts out 'Do you wanna fuck?' loud enough that people turn to look at them. And the human is confused and stuttering and red faced. And thinking they don't understand he asks them what they want in return for everything they've bought him and then they're cackling and saying they just thought he was cute and obviously he's protesting and saying he's not cute and after that they both end up relaxing and actually having a fun time. Lucifer looks ready to kill him when he gets back.

On the third day he loses Lucifer again and goes to give the toy, later he hangs around the places he last saw the human. Not because he's hoping they'll run into him or anything! They do however run into him and they seem happy to see him and he doesn't think anyone has ever been happy to see him before except maybe the pipsqueak and his stomach feels funny again and his face feels hot and his heart is pounding and the human is telling him about a carnival that's in town and asking him to come with them. Obviously he agrees and they end up paying for games and rides and buying any food his eyes linger on for just a second too long. When he goes back to the room they're staying in Lucifer is there, pissed beyond belief and knowing exactly what's going on (because no matter what world they are in Lucifer still has eyes and ears in every corner). He yells and Mammon actually yells back for once and _it's not just the stuff that the human got him it's that the human treats him kindly and with respect and makes him laugh_ and suddenly he's gushing about them and Lucifer's looking at him with something close to horror. And then Lucifer's mask is cracking and he's talking about what happened the last time one of them fell for a human and _"I nearly lost my mind along with Lilith. Losing her, being unable to save her, was the single most painful thing to ever happen. Mammon. I can't go through that again. I can't lose you too. I don't know what I'll do if I lose you. How I'll survive it. Not a human, Mammon. Anything but a human. You've only known them for a few days, leave them. Please."_

So Mammon does, they cut their visit short. Though the human doesn't run into Mammon again they do keep coming into money, more than enough to cover everything they bought him. They find loose change in their pockets, they get a bonus at work, they find some cash tucked into their couch cushions, they impulsively buy a lottery and actually win a decent amount.

Mammon who despite listening to Lucifer in the beginning eventually let's his greed (for the human more than the things they bought him) over take him and he makes any excuse to sneak out to the human world (what's the worst that could happen), each time he meets them and each time they buy him something different. It's never anything outrageously expensive and usually that's what he would value but he finds himself hoarding and treasuring every little thing they give him. Lucifer finds out eventually and is beyond pissed and actually locks Mammon up to prevent him from going to see the human (because there was no one in this world to tell him that locking your brothers up when they piss you off is not okay) but when he eventually releases Mammon he's off like a shot back to the human world, back to his human and to the little things they had seen and bought because they thought he would like them, while he was away. And Lucifer stops getting in the way, actually goes so far as to sigh and huff and grumble and give Mammon permission to access the human world only if it means he'll go straight to the human and not cause any trouble on the way.

Mammon's spends a good amount of time with the human and even his brothers slowly, one by one trickle in to the human world to see what's so special about this particular human. And though this pisses Mammon off a part of him is glad that they seem to be willing to accept his human and even more pleased that the human seems to have no inclination to shower them with gifts for seemingly no reason.

At some point Mammon realises he's in love with the human, deeply so, and he's pretty sure the human actually loves him back, _and that's a crazy thought isn't it._ Eventually of course Mammon decided he loves the human too much to keep lying to them and he needs to tell them what he actually is. So he spends the day pampering them. After, he sits them down and after a lot of stuttering, yelling to himself, dragging his hands through his hair while they sit patiently on their couch, he slumps down next to them and looking at the floor says, _"I'm a demon_." When he doesn't get a reply he looks up at them. Their face is blank and they blink slowly. " _Mammon_ ," they say gently, " _we've been together for 217 years."_

The reason Lucifer stopped trying to get in the way is because after locking Mammon away for close to 60 years and then letting him leave so that he'd either see his human aged or dead, only for Mammon to come back as chirpy as ever with more of his little trinkets Lucifer realised _oh wait maybe the human isn't actually a human after all and this should be okay then right_


	4. Eyes Like Liquid Gold

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Walk Through Time Fic!

Look Mammon's literally the very personification of Greed okay and Gold? Gold is his thing! His colour! His possession! His! His! His! He'd do anything to get his hands on some Gold! An amount big enough to cover the floor of his room would be ideal but he'd also settle for a small handful as well, as long as it was his! The less work he has to do to get it the better! He's sure the Demon King's treasure is something gold related (it's not). Overall, you could say gold was something Mammon would do anything for.

What he doesn't want is this random human that Lucifer had dropped in his lap, following him around, looking lost, asking too many questions and poking their nose in places where it definitely didn't belong. But then suddenly they're holding his Goldie who has been lost for so long, and he's kneeling and holding their hand and pledging whatever remains of his soul to them while looking into their eyes. And there's nothing special about their eyes really, they're pretty average for a human, dull in colour. Not the bright multicoloured eyes more common in demons and angels or the brighter type some of the other humans had. And somehow that pisses him off all the more, that he had to give himself to some average human.

The next time he notices them he's being dragged after them by the invisible leash of their pact, and when they turn to look at him their eyes are that same dull human colour but they're sharp and determined and for a second he feels just the slightest inkling of _something_ shoot up his spine

He notices them again when Beel has eventually drifted off, and they're sleepily blinking their eyes determined to keep watching. The light from the TV shines in their eyes making them seem a touch too bright. He doesn't think he has watched the last two episodes of TSL

There's panic in their eyes when Levi attacks them, when they seek him out before they snap shut.

Later in their room as they promise to die the next time he can't save them, their eyes twinkle.

Their eyes are steady and brave when they stand in front of Beel and Luke, shining in the dull light. His heart almost gives out when Lucifer raises an arm to strike down. His loud panicked thoughts scream when he thinks about never getting to see their eyes again

Their eyes glint with mischief when they lock on to his after causing whatever trouble that will surely give Lucifer another headache

Their eyes are warm and sweet and remind him of honey as they praise him for just being him seconds after his brothers have scorned him for just being him

Their eyes are large and pleading each time they want something. Bright and shining like something familiar that he can't quite put his finger on. Their eyes, he's learning quickly, are something he would do anything for.

For once their eyes are clouded with fear and pain and it's something he never wants to see on their face again. _You never will, not again_ , his treacherous brain hisses even as he sobs and prays to Lucifer, his Father, to anyone and anything listening in from the dark corners, for salvation. _Gold. Their eyes were familiar like Gold,_ he finally realises as they shut them for the last time

Later in their room, after apologies and tearful reunions, he clutches them to his chest and counts their heartbeats. _Lilith. Their eyes were familiar like Lilith's._ Strange how that revelation doesn't change a single thing

Their eyes are bright with laughter and reflects the colorful lights of their backdrop when they kiss him, days before they have to leave.

He tells them not to get in trouble and holds them to him as he feels their chest shake with laughter. But they are leaving him and going back home, where they belong. They turn back to look at him one last time. Even from the distance he can see them clearly. Their eyes are a warm honey brown tinged with flecks of gold, the light of the portal almost makes their pupils look like vertical slits. They give him one more toothy smile before they vanish. _Somehow, it doesn't feel quite like an ending._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Using these fake fics as opportunities to shove my 'MC isn't human' headcanon down your throats
> 
> Did MC's eyes actually change colour over the course of their stay in the Devildom in order to better adapt to the lack of light in the Devildom (like those certain species of animals who display characteristics from dormant genes in order to survive in certain environments) or did Mammon falling in love with them make their eyes seem prettier than they actually are or is it both? Who knows. (Let's just say human eyes don't actually reflect that much light in the way Mammon describes it)
> 
> Let me know what you think!


	5. Recipe for Disaster

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Human AU! Social Media AU! Cooking Channel Youtuber AU!

Mammon's a model who made a YouTube channel to come across as more relatable and get more fans (earn more money). During his first ever video he makes a stew for lunch out of anything and everything he finds in the fridge while talking about what it's like to be a model etc. (Time is money and he's all about efficiency and that includes multitasking). And the concoction he creates is so bizarre that 90% of the comments are talking about his food rather than his actual modeling career.

Mammon has a nose for sniffing out the newest ~~schemes~~ business ideas if nothing else so his whole channel becomes dedicated to making bizarre food out of whatever ingredients he has at hand and feeding them to his less than willing brothers. His channel grows in popularity (it helps that not only do all his brothers look like super models they're also some of the weirdest people anyone has ever seen. Half his viewers are convinced they're all just characters that these guys are playing. Some of them have theories that all the brothers are based off a sin, kinda like that one spongebob theory. One of his subscribers swears that one of the brother's- Stan maybe? actual name is Satan and everyone else has just been hearing it wrong)

MC has a much smaller channel, at first they use it to talk about tips for photography (HC that MC is a photographer and all those professional pics of the brothers on Devilgram that could only have been taken by someone else was actually taken by MC) and then it pretty much becomes a vlog where they rant about one of their roommates (Solomon) and how he set the kitchen on fire three times during the last 5 days but still happily ate the burnt food (charcoal. It was charcoal at that point). It eventually evolves into a channel of them fixing Solomon's nightmare fuel food and making it something actually edible and this actually makes their channel grow somewhat. (And no it's not just people coming in to catch the occasional glimpse of their other roommate's shoulders)

Eventually Mammon gets a comment saying MC should fix Mammon's food.

He goes on a full rant about how there's nothing to fix and _his_ _food is good so what if it's so spicy one of his_ ~~ _victims_~~ _brothers passed out that one time that's just cause they have no taste._

He ends up watching MC's latest video then and ends up binge watching them all through the next few days ~~and getting a stupid crush~~

Someone links MC to his rant video, and they make a video on how all his recipes seem really unique and how they'd never have thought of that by themself and they don't actually look hazardous to humanity as a whole like Solomon's food is but _here's how you fix it so that it's actually edible and won't make you meet God_

He sees this and isn't sure if he should be giddy because they praised him or pissed off because they tried to fix his creation. He obviously chooses the latter and rants about them while making something that looks suspiciously radioactive

MC replies with a video complimenting all the ingredients he chose and explaining them while simultaneously calling him an idiot for dipping his bare hand in boiling water to take out potatoes and ending it with a suggestion to get pot holders to drain the water and take the potatoes out after they cool

He replies with a video about how he's not gonna waste money on pot holders when his hand works just fine before he makes chocolate sauce and black licorice mashed potatoes and uses his bare hand to fish out the potatoes just to spite them.

MC replies with a video on how to fix the dish so the flavours won't clash while still keeping the essential ingredients but doesn't mention his hands

He gets a set of bright yellow pot holders and (to be on the safe side) oven mitts with little crows on them (" _because your hair looks like a crow's nest"_ ) in his P.O. box.He uses them in his next video to make a batch of ketchup and peanut butter cookies

MC fixes another one of Solomon's messes that ended with something with the same consistency of glue stuck to their ceiling while happily snacking on ketchup and peanut butter cookies

This back and forth goes on for a bit, Mammon refuses to change his recipes but they still silently exchange gifts

Obviously their (now shared) viewers notice and start calling out for a collab

MC agrees immediately but Mammon refuses (he's shy _fuck_ _he couldn't imagine meeting them face to face_ ) but the draw of money (not their puppy dog eyes in the last video!) makes him agree. They discuss the details over email and agree to do it at his house because he's got the bigger kitchen

They meet at his house and it's awkward at first because he's red af and can't meet their eyes and all his brothers are crowding the doorway to the kitchen and giggling but once the filming starts they fall into an easy routine. They riff off each other and move around the kitchen comfortably as if they've been working together for years. That doesn't mean they don't still argue though, but there's no hostility in it. Mammon gives out the idea of his latest recipe and MC plans out the specifics so that they can execute it. Since it's their first video they make something small and work together easily. Their spicy mayonnaise cupcakes turn out perfectly and are actually good considering none of the brothers are rushing out of the frame.

They are asked for more collabs and they do because they had fun in the first one. The viewers now have to watch two obviously pining idiots being disasters in a kitchen together. (Just because MC can fix recipes doesn't mean they aren't a mess). They have to watch Mammon go from blushing and stuttering to casually offering MC his finger to lick when he gets icing on it. They have to watch MC going from lowkey flirting to pulling out brightly coloured clips and pinning back Mammon's bangs while his hands are kneading dough. They have to watch the brothers slowly warm up to MC until they're being treated like they've been part of the family from the very beginning (yes this includes viewers catching the first few seconds of an hours long lecture that MC gets from Lucifer). They still have their own channels but they also start up a new channel called ' _Recipe_ _for_ _Disaster_ '. This channel also has vlogs of them randomly buying ingredients for their next cooking video.

Of course there are the rumours and speculation of whether or not they are actually dating, people shipping them, Levi comes up with a ship name, others saying how weird it is to ship real people. MC and Mammon neither confirm it or deny it. During the early days before they had a joint channel Mammon would loudly protest to any such claims while MC just fondly smiled in the background. _And sure now he refers to MC as his partner a lot but he could easily mean partner in crime against the food pyramid._

Their viewers finally get their answer when MC one day walks out into one of Mammon's videos in sweatpants and one of his shirts, sleepily kisses him on the cheek and he doesn't even twitch as he says _"Mornin' Babe_ " and continues with his monologue while they grab the milk and walk off frame. They don't even stop to think about whether they should edit it out because they've been dating for one and a half years now. But obviously everyone freaks out and just - Mammon reading the comments with MC looking over his shoulder:

" _Heeeeey? Did people just not know we were, ya know, datin'?"_

_" ...that's weird."_

" _Wasn't our first video on Recipe for Disaster me tellin' them you were my partner?"_

" _Yeah weird...the Internet's full of freaks. Remember that time they all thought you were a demon and started mailing holy water?"_

_"Yeah, what the fuck was that 'bout? Stan got fuckin' pissed!"_

* * *

**@rozyduskion on tumblr asked:**

_"Okay, but how would Mammon react to the inevitable "top or bottom" arguments and theories that never die?"_

* * *

He'd be so fucking embarrassed at first and go on a whole rant, off camera, about how that's no one's business. While filming their next video, he'd, unscripted, start talking about it and still be extremely embarrassed and he can't even look at the camera and is just pacing in front of it, moving his hands about and talking rapid fire about how _what he does in the bedroom is his business but obviously he's the top, have you even seen him! How can you even ask that question! He obviously exudes top energy! How dare they assume otherwise! He's the most dominant top to ever exis-_ the whole time MC's in the background making direct eye contact with the camera, with a barely there smirk/smile, looking like Jim from The Office. Levi, who edits all their videos and who is a certified Little Shit™, keeps the whole thing in. And though there are a few people who still think the opposite that basically settles the argument


	6. Mon Chéri

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Implied NSFW

Everyone knows Mammon’s secretly an extremely cheesy romantic and once he and MC start dating he actually starts to work up the courage to act on that side of him. “Mon Chéri” is something he picked up from old human movies and he absolutely adored it! He’s been wanting to use it on his human for so long and after lots of failed attempts that just ended with him soundlessly gasping he says it. He aims for casual, while they are just hanging out together in the human’s room, but it comes out kinda abrupt and stilted and the human? well the human laughs. it’s surprised laughter but it’s loud and turns genuine once they register what he has said. they turn to him, still giggling and smiling widely as if they expect him to laugh along but all he feels is shame, his face hot and his heart beating a fast rhythm against his chest. He’s stumbling off the bed and pulling on his boots and deflecting loudly and unconvincingly, like he hasn’t done for a while now, and then he’s rushing out of the room with whatever remains of his pride and feeling as stupid as his brothers think he is.

MC had genuinely being shocked when he’d said it and couldn’t stop the laughter because of how cheesy he sounded but they’d realized their mistake the second they turned to face him and were only met with wide hurt eyes and red cheeks. They realise just how much it must have taken him to say that, specially after thousands of years with brothers who seem to mock any genuine emotion he shows and they are determined to fix this.

The next morning when it's his turn to make breakfast they wake early in order to catch him and when they find him in the kitchen they casually walk up to him, steal a slice of pickled bat wing to chew on and while being sure to avoid his eyes (it was fine he was avoiding their's too) they say "Good Morning, Mon Chéri" and he instantly whips his head towards them embarrassed and angry but mostly hurt but they're staring at him with such a genuine expression? With so much love in their eyes that the words just get stuck in his throat and they they're leaning forward to press a sweet kiss to his lips, and wrapping their arms around him and hugging him tightly while whispering to him how much they love him, and he's freaking out at first (because no matter how long they date their easy affection still startles him) but he's eventually hugging them back and whispering "Shuddup... love ya too"

He thinks that's it then. It's over. But then they're kissing the tip of his ear and whispering _"Mon Chéri"_ when they pass him in the hall

Pinning up his bangs and kissing his forehead and saying "Mon Chéri" with so much tenderness as he struggles over his homework

Hugging him and laughing out "Mon Chéri" when he returns from a gig at a specific location that took him out of the house for a couple days

Rubbing at the joints that connect his wings to his back and kissing in between his shoulders with a loving "Mon Chéri"

Mumbling out "Mon Chéri" when he tries to leave bed too early and clinging on to his hips

Whispering " _Mon Chéri"_ between kisses they trail down his neck

"Mon Chéri," they say, looking up at him with a wicked glint in their eyes. Their sharp teeth scrape over the soft inside of his thigh, in a way that has him whining.

At first they say it because they know he'd like it and they don't want him to feel embarrassed but over time it becomes a genuine endearment. The brothers are all convinced it's a kink thing (it's not. At least not fully)


	7. Love Made Me Do It

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Human AU! Kid Fic! Childhood Sweethearts Fic! Found Family Fic!

Mammon grows up in a foster home with 7 other kids (they're all siblings as far as they are concerned, they even refer to two of them as twins because they happen to share the same b'day.) The man in charge/their father also owns a business that keeps him busy and the oldest of the kids more or less takes over as the parental figure. MC's one of the neighborhood kids.

MC & Mammon meet back when there are only two kids in the house and Mammon's still the baby of the family. They're both around 5 and are in the local park/playground when Mammon (who has a bad case of sticky fingers) steels MC's spade and completely denies it when asked about it (despite the fact that he's still holding it in his hand). MC being a rational 5 year old does the _Just_ thing and tackles Mammon to the ground. This ends up with Lucifer (who at just 7 is very mature after having being forced to sacrifice his childhood in order to be a parent towards his troublemaker of a baby brother) comes running to break it up. Tossing MC the spade and pulling a wailing Mammon away back to their father who is seated on a bench and on a rather long phone call (Lucifer desperately pleads with him not to cry and how he'll buy him ice cream, because the crying is starting to make his eyes water as well).

The next time MC sees Mammon at the park they give him the spade and tell him he can come make sand castles with them. Mammon who had been scowling at them from behind Lucifer's back eventually follows them (after a decent amount of prodding from Lucifer). And under Lucifer watchful eye they build a sandcastle (if you can call it that) and promptly destroy it (they're the bad guys in their game)

Over the years they keep meeting in the park.

They dig in the mud and pull out worms after it rains

They try to catch tadpoles in their palms (Mammon falls into the pond, MC jumps in after)

They hold quests to defeat the _Evil Lucifer_

MC starts carrying colourful plasters in their pockets because Mammon has a bad habit of running too fast and tripping over his own feet

Mammon steals an ice cream for MC from the cart on a day where they are in a bad mood (Lucifer pays for the ice cream)

They play wrestle on the grass and get covered in grass stains

They are always ready to throw hands with anyone who picks on or hurts the other (usually it ends up with them running screaming towards Lucifer)

They nearly break their necks climbing trees

They trip over people reading books and having picnics while they are running about flying kites

Basically they are those loud annoying kids at the park that no one has any control over.

Over time as Mammon gets more younger siblings some of them also start becoming part of their games (Mammon is less than amused)

Mammon climbs through MC's window in the middle of the night (they can't climb through his cause he shares a room) and they watch movies under the covers and fall asleep like that. The first time it happened and Lucifer woke up to Mammon missing in the morning he was hysterical

Sometimes when they both can't sleep they both sneak out and go cycling in the middle of the night.

They sneak into movies together and get kicked out because even in a film hall Mammon is loud when dealing with his emotions and his crying/screaming/cackling/yelling usually gets them caught

When Lilith, the second youngest in the family (Satan's the youngest) gets a crush on a guy she comes to Mammon because "You've basically had a S/O your entire life!" and Mammon's just !???????????????????????

So Mammon goes to MC and is like "Ya not gonna believe what Lilith jus' told me!" & MC after hearing the full story is like "Mammon,,,,,,Mammon I've been in love with you for the longest time.....Mammon we're fucking dating wtf!?" And Mammon after going through 6 different complex emotions in the span of 5 seconds settles on saying "WHAT THE FUCK."

MC: "How did you not know this! I cleaned and bandaged your scraped knees with Dora plasters and kissed them better!"

Mammon: "WE WERE FIVE!"

MC: "THIS WAS LAST WEEK!"

Mammon: "I thought we were just ya know, best friends?"

MC: "We are! I just happen to love you too...as more than a friend...and I thought....but if you don't....I'm not gonna stop being your friend and cleaning and bandaging your scrapes or covering for you with Lucifer or cuddling with you after we watch a scary movie....if you're still comfortable with it...then I wouldn't stop because I am in love with you but you're my best friend too and that takes priority...and those are all things that loving my best friend made me do....the falling in love bit was just an added bonus..."

Mammon: "yeah....okay...c-cool"

MC: "...are you crying...."

Mammon: "No! Shuddup! I - just....stealing ice cream for you, last week, an' cycling down the streets together and pullin' pranks on Lucifer and holdin' your hand when you're sad...all that's things I'd do cause I love my best friend but....fallin' in love with ya? That was just an added bonus"

~~*Tearful giggly smooching*~~

* * *

Lucifer leaves and gets a part time job with his best friend's dad while working through college on a scholarship. Each time one of his siblings turn 18 he lets them crash with him till they get a job/start uni/find a place of their own. He frequently visits the ones who are still under 18. After graduating he works full time at his current job and actually rises up the ladder impressively fast. With a crazy good paycheck he starts saving up money to buy one of those cheap houses that are kind of big but so old and damaged they look like a strong wind could blow it over and also like a whole family was murdered in it, and spends lots of his free time forcing his siblings into helping him renovate it. The house is for him and whichever of his siblings are currently out of a job/working part time/in college/just overall going through a rough time. His siblings are mostly in and out of the house and at a time there at least 3 people living in it. Most of them end up coming back though to live in the house permanently because they realise 7 people sharing the the maintenance of what is basically a Gothic frat house is a lot cheaper than each of them individually paying for an apartment (Lilith, who is the only actual adult here actually leaves home and gets married)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There are 11 more fake fic titles in my ask box! I'll post more finished outlines tomorrow
> 
> Pls let me know what you think!


	8. Chasing Stars

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> BODY HORROR  
> because angels and demons are scary  
> Different First Meeting  
> Actually Really Fluffy

The Fall happens later AU!

MC is studying to be a professional (wildlife) photographer (I've explained why this is my hc before) and as part of a project they are staying at a friend's cottage in the middle of the countryside for a week or two during their break.

One night they see a shooting star, its exact path is followed just a bit later by another (they seem extremely close to earth), then there's two more, almost next to each other, going in a different direction. Two more going in two separate directions and they're sure there weren't any reports of a meteor shower... The last one is so close that they actually yelp and try to duck back inside when it passes, burning a fiery trail. They feel the impact on the ground when it hits the earth, somewhere in the woods.

And then they're running towards it, their curiosity has always been their biggest weakness. They're running towards a big crater at the centre of a clearing, only a small part in the back of their brain notices the burnt feathers on the ground and the smell of charred flesh. It's only when they get to the edge of the crater do they realise whatever is in there is definitely not a rock.

Rather it's some creature. And their heart is pounding and they're pretty sure they're hallucinating and the smell of burnt flesh is now pretty hard to ignore.

It's vaguely human shaped but much larger. Its feet are sharp bird like talons, its legs are bent in such a way that it would not be possible for it to stand up straight without hunching and its hands are spindly and tipped with long white claws. It's got a pair of large, mangled, burnt wings with a few white feathers cling desperately to them. Its skin is burnt to the point of being a pitch black and they can see more burnt feathers along its shoulders, there also seem to be smoldering vacant holes along its sides and back. Its hair seems to be the same grey-white downy fluff of a baby bird and its body is covered in splashes of some sort of thick glittery gold substance.

It's facing away from them making a loud keening sound and trying to curl itself into a tighter ball. They take a step back, maybe to run screaming, maybe to check themself into a hospital, maybe to gather their wits before they lowered themself into the crater.

Whatever it is the creature stiffens at whatever noise imperceptible to the human ear that their step made. It slowly turns towards them. The flesh on the lower part of its face is burnt off showing a full mouth of long gleaming fang like teeth. But that's not what catches their attention. Instead it's the eyes, surrounded by what looks like undamaged human skin. Even with the slitted pupils they look painfully human and terrified.

The creature growls when it sees them, low in its chest as its back tenses as if it was seconds away from darting (not that they think it can). 

And instead of running for their goddamned life like any rational human would MC is slowly lowering themself to their knees at the edge of the crater. Talking to it in a soft gentle voice, like they would a stray cat or rabbit that had been hurt/spooked.

" _It's okay...look I'm not going to hurt you,,,,I'm going to - fuck what am i doing- I'm going to help you okay? I'm going to - going to go get my truck and some water and rags and we'll get you cleaned up okay,,,,,just please wait here I'll be right back"_

Whatever it -he?- is it's definitely intelligent. It's still slightly snarling but they're almost sure it understood them. So they get up and slowly back away and then they're turning and sprinting. Loading the back of their pick up with blankets and pillows to make a comfy nest and grabbing their first aid kit and opting out of taking actual water they instead take wet wipes and food, a proper lamp and a bottle of water.

Then while driving (as we've established MC is v stupid pls don't ever do this) they frantically Google up how to fix broken wings and treat burn wounds _also can birds grow up to be 8 feet? How big is an ostrich? What are the odds of an ostrich falling out of the sky?_

When they get back to the clearing, the thing is still there and curls up into a tighter ball when it sees them and it watches them with suspicious eyes but it doesn't growl.

Grabbing some of their supplies they sit back on the edge of the crater and ask whether they can come closer. It growls. They sit back down and talk to it - him? - softly. They tell their name and ask for his. They tell him what they are doing here and asks what he is doing here. They tell him they don't have any living family and ask if there's someone out there looking for him. He keens at this and they immediately apologise. They tell him about the photos they have taken and roll the water bottle towards him. They are not sure what they expect but when he (despite struggling with his long claws) opens it with a practiced movement they aren't surprised.

They ask him if they can come closer, he growls and they apologise and sit back down. They talk about more things, stories and movies. They trace the stars and tell him any stories they know about them. They ask him if he's an ostrich. He growls. They laugh.

While their eyes are on the sky he slowly drags himself up from the crater towards them, they don't hear him despite how big he is but they do notice him out of the corner of their eyes. He sits by them and they keep talking, ignoring the heat radiating off him. 

Softly he coos before placing his fuzzy head on their lap and for a minute they're frozen in place before he growls and shifts more until they start running their hand through his hair. They feel two bumps on the top of his head and wonder if he had hit his head on the way down.

Eventually with the sun just starting to peak out they manage to get him standing up, sliding their shoulder under one of his arms and hobbling over to the pick up. He's a lot lighter than he looks. They get him settled in the back and cover him with blankets and drive back to their cottage thankful that the small town centre is a bit away from them. They talk loud enough that he'd hear them the whole time

There's a bit of a struggle getting him through the door and when they (stupidly) go to fold his wings which he hasn't been moving much he rounds on them, teeth bared and arm up to strike. They both end up flinching and then he's ducking his head and not meeting their eyes and they talk him through it as they fold his wings, and wince at the pained whining sounds

They move all the furniture in the living room to the sides and put down two of the blankets and get him sitting in the middle.

They aren't sure what to do about the burnt skin, it looks beyond repair and somehow like any rawness from when they first saw him had healed into a hard thick layer, he also didn't seem to mind when they touched him. So again walking him through their steps out loud, they dip a rag in a bowl of cool water and work it along his body. The gold substance has dried a bit and flakes off when they wet it, it reminds them a bit of dried blood but there are no visible wounds/scars/damage underneath it. _Whatever it came from, whoever bled gold, it wasn't him._

The holes along his body look worryingly like what they'd imagine empty eye sockets would look.

They card their fingers through his feathers, gently plucking out anything that's loose (it's most of them). After that they rub an aloe vera ointment on the places where the burns seem the worse. While they do all this he watches them as much as possible, but immediately turns around if they catch his eye.

The wings. The wings are a problem. They are frantically scrolling through their phone reading articles while a YouTube video about splinting a wing plays on their laptop but they have no idea _where to start or how to splint it or with what for that matter and whether he'd accidentally rip them to shreds if they tried to and actually they're pretty sure he's watching the video on their laptop and huh._ So they talk to him, they tell him the problem and they ask him if it would just heal like his burns did if they set the bone (maybe it won't heal properly but maybe at least it won't cause him pain - they tell him this too) and he's watching them with bright, considering eyes and they're spiraling a bit and rambling and then he's nodding his head and rolling his eyes and turning his back to them. 

They set the bones and wrap them up as tightly as they can, he whimpers and whines and squirms but he digs his claws into the pillows instead of into them

Once they are done they bring the rest of the blankets and pillows to the floor (with his wings he'd be too big for the bed), giving him water and food (all they have is cup noodles but he doesn't seem to mind). After instructing him to sleep on his front they go flop on their bed and immediately lose consciousness.

Hours later (in the evening) they wake up and walk into their living room and _SCREAM BECAUSE HOLY SHIT WHAT THE FUCK THAT WASN’T A DREAM WTF WTF WTF WHY IS HE SCREAMING TOO_

After their inevitable breakdown which isn't made any better because it happens simultaneously with his inevitable breakdown. They decide (the next day morning and _fuck their sleep schedule is fucked)_ to deal with things one day at a time. 

The next week is all about cute bonding and shenanigans.

Healing is an accelerated process that only takes a few days but it's not a complete job.

The burnt skin heals into a pitch black shiny sort of leathery skin, with the skin healed they can see white markings along his front and back.

The last of the feathers fall out and new ones start growing back in. Unlike the previous ones these are a shiny black and remind them of crow feathers, they come up all through his legs, at the base of his wings, and a few along his shoulders/arms. To stop him from scratching at them they use a warm damp cloth to ease the irritation (when they'd initially just given him the cloth it had resulted with a lot of grumbling and huffing on his part until they'd taken the cloth with a roll of their eyes and swatted at his head - they'd immediately frozen because _wtf was that he could probably realistically eat them_ but he'd only responded with a playful shove).

The bumps on his head turn out to be horns, that he's constantly trying to get them to scratch at.

The sockets and the missing skin on the lower half of his face don't heal & they should probably be more disturbed by it but for some reason they don't see it as anything too strange, it's just another part of their odd impromptu roommate.

The wings take the longest to heal and their bare skeletal form now looks more like bat wings than bird wings.

By the third day the tips of his horns are poking through his head and they distantly wondered while scratching around them if he was one of those mix & match animals from Australia like the platypus. Part gazelle, part bat, part crow and part human.

Once he heals he has boundless restless energy and is always skittering around the cottage, knocking things over like some large cat. (Part tiger?)

They have to convince him to let them file his nails so that the floor doesn't get scraped up

He's always talking. Even if they don't understand him and his words sound more like bird noises it's still him talking. If they don't listen or look distracted he'll caw at them loud and angrily.

He's very clingy and very warm. By the end of the week they find themself spending more time in the nest in their living room than in their own bed.

They don't even notice that stuff has been going missing until they one day go to kick some of the blankets outta the way and end up stubbing their toe on something hard. Underneath the blanket is a little treasure trove of shiny things from coins to the caps of pens.

He comes along with them whenever they go out to the woods with their cameras.

He seems determined to survive on cup noodles alone and honestly personality wise they're pretty sure he'd pass for one of the guys at their college.

They're pretty sure they walked into him crying while watching Cinderella, cuddled up under the blankets.

Wherever he's from they had technology because they once spent a whole hour staring at him and feeling like they were living through a fever dream while he hunched over their laptop and tapped away at it. He got caught to many _many_ scams and they ended up getting a virus but it was worth it for that single image.

They're pretty sure he has some kind of system with the crows because suddenly there's a whole flock of them visiting the cottage and sitting around it and leaving more shiny things for him to add to his collection. They feed them just to be on the safe side.

He has nightmares. Things that leave him shrieking and growling and sobbing. They press as much of him as they can into their chest and vow to protect this monstrous creature from anything, even God himself

They sometimes catch him staring at the stars. They wonder if he misses whatever home he came from.

He avoids mirrors or any reflective surfaces. Goes so far as to flinch away from them. They preen his feathers and call him ' _Pretty Bird',_ he grumbles and huffs and mumbles something that they think probably means ' _Not a bird!_ ' they cackle and tell him he's the prettiest ostrich they've ever seen, he shoves them and they shove back and soon they're playfully wrestling on the ground. He makes sure to be careful of his claws/talons

The first time they realise his marks glow in the dark they nearly have a stroke

He ignores them for a whole hour when they laugh after finding out he is afraid of horror movies. 

Their hands are running through his hair and scratching at the base of his horns while he is curled up around them, his tail (something which like his horns hadn't been there when they first met him and honestly they feel like they're missing some sort of symbolism here) wrapped around the calf of their leg. At first they think he is growling but have to stifle a laugh, lest he ignore them again, once they realise he is purring.

They call him _Star_ purely because that's what they thought he was and he acts like he hates it but they've seen that small stretch of human skin on his face flush at it.

No one in town saw a meteor shower.

They're not sure what they are gonna do with him, not after their two weeks end but they know for a fact they're not leaving him

Both MC & Mammon are dumb af and don't realise how dangerous the other technically could be to them

One and a half weeks later there's a knock on their door and they're pushing him towards the back of the house before they go to open it.

There's probably the most beautiful man they've ever seen at the door and they're blushing _because wtf_.

He's dressed incredibly well and they're pretty sure they've never seen him at the town, they take a peak over his shoulder and there's no vehicle behind him. Looking closer at him, he looks tired with bags under his eyes.

"I'm looking for my brother" he says and they're blinking because they have no idea what to say to that. The guy almost looks expectant like they're supposed to come out and say that _yeah actually they know exactly where his brother is._ And they're opening their mouth to actually apologise to him when there's a loud noise behind them and the man's eyes drift past them and widen.

They're panicking 'cause they know exactly what they'll see when they turn around and when they do turn he's charging towards them and the stranger and they're yelping and jumping out of the way while screaming at him _not to attack the guy wtf wtf wtf._

His body collides with the guy's and they both stumble out of the door frame at the impact and they are scrambling after the two of them expecting blood and guts. But instead their shooting star is purring loudly, tail wagging, clinging on to the stranger with a death grip and his face buried in the man's neck.

The guy is somehow managing to carry the whole weight of him and is clutching at the feathers on his back with just as much of a death grip.

_Maybe one of them's adopted?_

The man catches their eyes and his eyes glint red and his mouth twists in the beginning of a snarl but then their roommate is shifting in his grip and murmuring something and the guy's face is softening for a split second before it hardens again and he whacks the other over the head.

The two speak in soft murmurs but they catch parts of the man's words " _Father", " Diavolo", "Lilith", "worried", "human body", "Wrath", " family", "Mammon"_

He's nodding his head at the man then before disentangling himself from his (older?) brother and turning to them. He takes a few steps towards them and the man says in a warning tone, " _Mammon_ ".

He ignores his brother and walks up to them

"Guess your name's Mammon, huh?"

His eyes scrunch up in a way they know means he's smiling. 

"It's cute. Suits you."

And he's blushing and huffing and they're looking at his eyes that are still so human and suddenly they're hugging him tightly and he's hugging them back and they're squeezing their eyes shut and burying their face in the soft feathers at his shoulder.

"I'll miss you, try to stay out of trouble"

He huffs again and squeezes them gently.

They open their eyes wondering what the hell they're doing standing outside in the cold morning in just their pyjamas.

They walk back inside the cottage which for some reason seems much larger and emptier than it was earlier. There's a large bundle of blankets and pillows in the middle of the living room and they have no idea when they did that, they try to kick some of it away and end up stubbing their toe. Under the blankets is a large shiny pile of junk. _Were they drunk last night?_

They finish the rest of their two weeks at the cottage. They clean up the blankets and spend the nights in a bed that remains freezing even when they turn up the heater.

They go through the pictures they took over the last week and a half. There's some good ones but none that stand out. Nothing interesting or special

They feed the crows that frequently come to their window. 

When it's time to leave they get the biggest box they can and fill it with all the junk that they'd found under the blankets. The box sits at the back of their closet when they go back home

They manage to finish all of their studies during the next couple of years and somehow manage to cover all their student debt without any problems (their friends insist that they must have made a deal with the devil to achieve it).

They take freelance jobs as a professional photographer while they work retail part time. Somehow they always seem to have enough money to eat more than just cup noodles and they live in a pretty ok apartment.

They've also taken up driving away from the city to watch the stars during the weekends

Life is good. Normal. 

And then one day they're falling, ass first, into another world and meeting the most beautiful man they have ever seen.

His eyes widen a bit in something like surprise when he sees them but it's gone in a second and then he's telling them they're going to be part of an exchange program between three different realms and he's hoisting them on his brother.

And then they're begging him - Lucifer, that's his name, Lucifer - they're begging Lucifer to take them instead because one phone call with this Mammon guy and he sounds like a _dick_.

But Lucifer's shaking his head and he looks way too amused.

Then a loud is voice is coming from behind them, complaining about being lumped with a human.

And they're turning around to get a look at the asshole who was now responsible for their life and he screeches to a stop in front of them.

Eyes - _familiar eyes, so very familiar-_ wide and surprised and confused, the anger dissolving from his face as his mouth opens and closes soundlessly.

_And then he's saying their name, softly, softer than anyone has ever said it before._


	9. Shag or Die

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You saw the title, you know what this is about.
> 
> NSFW - ish. since this is only an outline/summary for the ask meme nothing is graphic just implied. Sorry?

Mammon gets cursed by the witches (because of course he does) and even he knows what that sharp pain is. The one that makes his face flush and his body too hot and makes him want to rip his clothes off. He sees the satisfied glint in their eyes and it has him running, tripping over himself to get home and rid himself of the itch.

At first he locks himself in his room with no real problem. Sure his body is burning up and his breath is coming out in pants and he is aching and he's stumbling to his bed. Tearing off his clothes and whining loudly when he gets a hand around himself. It's just an itch _that's_ _all_.

Except hours later he's still withering on the bed, his skin fever hot and his eyes clouded over and it _hurts_ now. That sharp sudden pain is now a constant tight thing that's knotted at the centre of his chest and that makes each breath an effort and a part of him is panicking, cursing his pride for not letting him go to Lucifer in the beginning and asking if he could lift it. He hadn't wanted this to be seen as another disappointment, hadn't wanted to give his brothers another reason to make fun of him, hadn't wanted _them_ to feel disgusted. But now. Now he slides under his damp covers and reaches for his D.D.D. dialing Lucifer's number. He hears the familiar snap of Lucifer's voice asking him what he did this time. " _Please_ ," he whispers, voice rough. And then he hears the dial tone.

Lucifer's storming into his room in seconds, demon form out and teeth bared, eyes scanning the room before they land on Mammon. His nose immediately scrunches up at the smell but that doesn't stop him from marching up to Mammon's bed and asking him "What exactly did you do this time." His tone is harsh but his hand is gentle and pleasantly cool when he places it on Mammon's burning forehead.

"Witches. _Hurts_ ," Mammon mumbles and Lucifer is swearing under his breath and then muttering rapid fire words for a counter curse, the warmth of his magic pulsing through Mammon but when it finally disperses Lucifer is left frowning and Mammon feels no different. If anything the pain in his chest has coiled around his heart, squeezing tightly. He curls up into a ball, tearless sobs leaving him

"I'm getting Satan. One of his books might have something."

"D-don't tell the others... They'll-"

"I won't."

And Mammon's eyes are squeezing shut trying to fight against the urge, the itch, _the_ _pain_.

Gentle fingers run through his sweat soaked hair and then the door closes.

Satan doesn't find anything and is desperately fighting against his inner urge to tag along, when Lucifer suggests hunting down the witches and making them reverse it, to instead try to be the rational one. "It'll take too long and we don't even know if it can be reversed. We should tell Asmo. He'd be able to find someone who'd be willing to - if he doesn't he'll d-"

" _I know."_

They knock on the door loudly before entering, Mammon's trembling, eyes out of focus and clutching at his chest with clawed hands.

Lucifer rearranges the sheets from where they have slipped down to his waist while Satan holds a bottle of water to his mouth. They tell him the plan. And then a sudden flash of clarity is snapping into his eyes and he's struggling up and absolutely refusing. When Satan asks _why_ , stressing the importance of it he's flushing some more and averting their eyes, playing with a loose thread from his blankets.

Satan huffs, "Unbelievable."

Lucifer looks like he's about to pop out another wrath baby.

His shoulders are hunching under their combined look and he's saying to his lap, "I can't - they - I couldn't do that to them - I don't wanna - "

"Are you even together. Do they even know how you feel. Is it reciprocated." Lucifer's snapping, face drawn in anger

"Maybe we could ask them..." Satan says quietly

"NO!"

"Why not."

He looks away, he can't bring himself to look Satan in the eye

"They'll do it you know."

" 'Course they will. H-have ya met them? They'd do it coz they'd have no choice. I can't - I can't do that to them"

Then Satan's losing his cool, yelling at Mammon & trying to make him see reason. When Mammon eventually gets dragged under another wave Lucifer sends Satan away to try and find anymore information and then he leaves to meet their resident human

He knocks and the door is flung open almost immediately. The human looks like a mess. Their hair is sticking up like they've spent hours running their hands through it, their eyes are wide and their face looks ashen

"Something's wrong, I've been trying to get to Mammon but he's not replying and his pact mark has been acting up for hours," they show him the glowing mark, "it's burning and flickering,,,,he went to see the witches and I didn't want to tell you at first but I think something's wrong we need to go check maybe something h-"

He cuts them off when it looks like they're gonna work themself up again, he makes them sit down and relays the whole situation to them. Their face is blank and stony during the whole of it.

"Right. I'll do it." They nod already rising from the bed

He shakes his head and tells them the rest of it .

And they're snorting. "Idiot" they say but it sounds fond. "Of course I'd try to help no matter who it was but - that's - I don't think - I mean I wouldn't sleep with - Mammon's the only on-"

He cuts off their flustered fumbling "understood"

They are nodding again "Guess I should get some stuff" and Lucifer's practically vaulting off the bed he had been sitting on, "Very well, I'll be in my study then. Drinking. I need to forget this whole conversation ever happened"

When they do go to Mammon's room he's tangled up in the sheets, shivering and panting, cheeks tear stained. Every once in a while he'll wince and curl into a tighter ball while clutching his chest. They damm near sprint to him, collapsing on their knees by his head and cupping his face in their hands and moving his head so he'd look at them. When he does see them he's growling, cursing Lucifer, telling them they don't have to do this and apologising. And they're calling him an idiot and pressing their forehead to his and telling him how much they love him, how they'd do anything to make sure he isn't hurting, to make sure he's safe, how they'd go out immediately and find someone, anyone who he wanted to sleep with, how they'd find and drag the witches back here themself so that they can reverse this, just so that he wouldn't be hurting.

His claws are digging into the skin at their wrists, "love?" There's something desperate in his tone

"Love. I've been in love with you for so long now Mammon, I don't, I don't know when it started but in the game. In Levi's dating sim when I told you the answer to that question and when you smiled, I just - _I've never wanted to suck a dick so badly before."_

They feel his soft embarrassed laughter against their neck as he tucks his face into them. He feels the pact mark on their right palm brush along his bare back. The warmth of it spreads along him, pushing back some of the haze surrounding him

"I saw you smile and I wanted to spend the rest of time making you smile like that."

He presses closer to them, "At Diavolo's castle. When - ah - w-when we were runnin' from the mutt,,, Ya took my hand. Trusted m-me. I wanted to keep protecting ya. Keep ya safe."

"You do. You do keep me safe, now let me return the favour. I'll go, get someone - "

"You. 's you. Always has been."

They're pulling back from him, looking him in the eyes, that shine a bit clearer since they got here. "Can I kiss y-"

His hand is curling around a fistful of their hoodie and dragging them towards him. Their mouths smash together and their teeth click painfully but they're shifting adjusting their angle and kissing him back just as urgently. He throws a leg over them and grinds up into them, a low whine building up in his throat. They nip and lick down his body while their hand reaches between his legs. They'll be gentle and fast, they'll work him through this and whisper words of love and praise while they do. They'll take away the pain and when they're done, when there's nothing eating away at him anymore they'll hold him and run their fingers through his hair the way he likes. They'll give him his favourite snacks and the chilled water they brought with them, they'll use the oil they brought to diligently massage the aches out of his muscles, they'll tell him they love him and kiss him sweetly, they'll bundle him up and sleep curled up with him, they'll rinse and repeat all those steps until he no longer feels like his body is tearing itself apart. And when he's better, when he's back to being the loud, energetic asshole they are in love with. _Then. Then they'll make him scream._


	10. Huddling for Warmth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> For the fic trope ask meme 'Huddling for Warmth'

The first time would be before they really know each other. Maybe when they just met & they're walking to the house of lamentation and mc's still not used to the climate and they unconsciously huddle closer to mammon. He yells and huffs and talks about weak humans and walks faster to the point he's almost marching. And MC just follows after him cause no way they're admitting to this asshole that they're cold. 

The second time is during the TSL marathon where they're just coming into their friendship and Mammon's just getting the very beginnings of a crush. They, again, unconsciously curl up into his side while bundled up between him and Beel. He sits very very still but he wouldn't be able to tell you why for the life of him.

After that, after their friendship starts developing and after Mammon gets a full blown crush, he constantly slips into their room to talk at night when he cant sleep and that quickly turns to them fast asleep and cuddling. 

The next time is on the train in England. They've solved the murder but MC's a bit shaken up by what Gisella told them about how Lucifer will lose his trust in them and settles on the seat next to Mammon who has quickly and easily become their familiar safe anchor in this storm their life has devolved into. He shifts slightly and they think he'll nudge them off, instead he settles back and let's them slide closer on to his shoulder. He doesn't say a word or look them in the eye. 

After they die and are revived they cling onto each other with desperation under the covers.

After this Mammon's frequency of slipping into their room increases. 

After they leave they both curl up under their covers alone with more pillows than necessary trying to get back that lost warmth. 

The first day MC comes back they cling onto each other again in his bed. 

During the newer lessons MC will easily huddle closer to Mammon when they're cold (even though now they're more than used to the Devildom's climate) and he will yell and huff and bundle them up closer to him, letting them settle comfortably at his side

In my HC where Mammon has two more demons forms, each larger & more monstrous than the last - the second one is explained in the fake fic 'Chasing Stars' - MC sleeps curled up with the second form whenever they have nightmares about dying.


	11. La Bicicleta

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> For the ask;
> 
> I saw someone post a hc here sometime ago that Mammon is fluent in Spanish, I'm imagining him singing & dancing to La Bicicleta with MC, ended up making myself blushing so hard ///// he'd be so beautiful smiling under the kitchen lights ;;-;;

Maybe it's his turn to cook breakfast on a day none of them have school and he's still half asleep but happy about getting a break and he's singing and dancing around the kitchen while cooking. MC comes up to stay with him cause it's too early to listen to the others squabbling and catches him and he doesn't even notice them at first. And they just pause for a sec to stare at him cause his hair is a mess, he's in whatever large soft comfy clothes he put on after he got outta bed (he sleeps nude remember so he basically put on whatever he found on the floor), his cheek still has a few pillow crinkles, he's got the goofiest smile on and the warm kitchen lights are reflecting off him in such a way that he's practically glowing and they can almost imagine what he would have looked like as an angel but this is so much better?? because when he yawns they catch a glimpse of his long fangs and holy shit how did they manage to end up with him and the amount of love & absolute fondness they are feeling rn is practically overwhelming? and obviously when he turns and catches them leaning against the doorway and watching him he blushes and splutters and his pupils narrow to slits and he tries to come up with excuses to make it seem like what he was doing was cool but they're immediately walking up to him and grabbing his hands and leading him across the kitchen in a dance while they start singing from where he stopped and he's smitten!? And he's still blushing and flustered but Mammon is always up for Shenanigans™, specially with his favourite human so he starts singing along and twirling them around the kitchen, he tries to do a lift and they both nearly fall over because Mammon isn't exactly the biggest or most physically strong of the brothers and spontaneously trying to lift a twirling human above your head is hard okay. Just cute domestic kitchen fluff. They end up burning breakfast though and Lucifer yells at them but they're both fighting to stop their smiles from coming out during the whole 2hour lecture 


	12. Midnight Drives

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Did y'all realise the top part of Mammon's room is actually a garage????? Like it took me stupidly long to realise he has a garage door up there? Does this mean there's a ramp at the side of the house so he can take the car out? Is the rest of his room underground with only the top bit on ground level? Is it magic? These are real questions and I want answers damn it! Anyway,

Mammon rarely uses his car, he mostly bought it because....well because he was greedy obviously and it had been the newest thing at the moment and he'd wanted it....but the craze died and other new things came out and then he wanted those and so on and so on.

But that doesn't mean he never drives.

When things get too much, when his brothers' insults cut a little too deep, when the witches' extortion gets a little too cruel, when his nightmares get a little too loud or, recently, when his feelings for the human seem a little too hopeless he takes his car out in the middle of the night and drives out.

As fast and as far as he can.

The windows rolled down so it almost feels like he's flying again, considering his wings and flying have never really been the same since he Fell. Sometimes the drives are silent, sometimes he blasts music, sometimes he says all the things he wanted to during the rest of the day, sometimes he just screams.

He'll stop on a little cliff overlooking a clearing and just lay on the hood and stare at the constellations. None of them are the same as what he saw in the celestial realm but they're still as breathtaking as he remembers.

The first time he invites the human with him is four days after they died. Neither of them have been sleeping well. They spent the first night clutching each other, the human wailing in pain into his shoulder and him silently sobbing and apologising for not being there. The second too they spent clutching each other, but this time they were silent just staring straight ahead. The third, the human paced and muttered to themself while he tracked their every movement. The fourth, they hadn't even made it into either of their rooms, with the human sitting at the kitchen table and staring listlessly ahead of them. Mammon knows for a fact that humans need sleep to function (NOT BECAUSE HE PANICKED AND READ ANYTHING HE COULD FIND ON HUMAN HEALTH AFTER THEY SPRAINED THEIR WRIST) so this is when he suggests a drive. The suggestion actually jolts the human out of their borderline comatose state because

"the car in your room actually works!??"

"'Course it works! Why'd it be there if it doesn't work!?"

"Another clothes rack?"

"Shuddup, do ya wanna ride or not?"

"I....yeah. Okay sure. Yes please."

So he takes them. He doesn't drive as fast or as far as he normally does, he doesn't even stop anywhere. He just drives till they fall asleep curled up in the front seat, under his jacket. After that it becomes their thing. He drives faster and further with each day. It's not everyday of course, just on the days when either of them is feeling bad or needs an escape. Depending on the type of day they had they know if the other needs quiet companionship or someone to rant to, someone to cause mischief with or someone to have a midnight snack with in a shady 24/7 open diner (because those are a staple of all three realms). Eventually he takes them to the cliff. They lay on the hood and make up silly stories for the constellations.

On a day where everything piles up, when his debt is so in the red zone he can never imagine paying it back, when his brothers are harsher and the witches more demanding, the human slips the keys from their usual hook and simply says "I'll drive." They take him to the cliff and they let him talk. Long and loud and uninterrupted. The way no one else ever lets him talk. When he finishes, panting slightly and with watery eyes, their fingers are interlocked and their thumb is drawing patterns on the back of his hand.

They raise his hand to place a kiss on his knuckles, "Thank you for trusting me, Mammon"

And he did trust them. He trusted them with this place, his secrets, his self, his heart and they've done nothing but diligently care for them all. He doesn't tell them that though. Instead he snorts and tells them their face looks dumb while scrubbing off any lingering tear stains. They take the bait easily for his sake like they always have done and instead they surge forward to try and wrestle him off the car.

"Dummy" he gasps while their fingers tickle along his sides.

"I love you" he thinks while they both tumble off the car and roll down the hill, shrieking.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *fic requests are closed


	13. Treasure Planet and Other Childhood Memories

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Childhood best friends, lowkey enemies to friends to lovers, human au, similar to 'I did it for love' the brothers are a foster family

Mammon and MC are around the same age and grew up together but never really got along. They were all kids from a group of family friends/neighbours who would have frequent Sunday picnics/BBQ with all their kids

Mammon would always play pirates and drag Beel and Levi with him (Beel 'cause mammon promised him a share of his food, Levi cause he was forced by Lucifer to leave his room and Asmo would join if he was allowed to be a mermaid). He had a Pirate's hat that was too large for him and a little wooden sword. He would run around the garden/park screaming at the top of his lungs, while looking for buried treasure. MC and Solomon preferred to stay in a corner and play witches. MC had their own over sized Witch's hat and a little pot they would put leaves and dirt and flowers and water into and stir while chanting

Mammon was certain that the witches were evil and would occasionally storm their corner and steal their potions so that they couldn't use it for any nefarious purposes.

MC thought the pirates were hooligans and would fight them to the bitter end.

Sometimes they'd have vicious duels with Mammon's little wooden sword and MC's wand (which was actually a stick they picked up)

Sometimes they would actually throw down (usually initiated by MC after Mammon called them a rude word he'd heard Lucifer use) and Lucifer and Diavolo (who along with Simeon are 16) would have to come and physically drag the two screaming, wailing, kicking, punching 9 year olds away from each other.

Solomon (9) thought the whole thing (fight included) was fun.Levi (8) had used Lucifer being distracted to try and make a dash for where his confiscated games were hidden .Asmo (6) had walked off to ask Simeon to braid the flowers he had picked while MC and Mammon were trying to possibly kill each other into his hair. Beel (5) had walked off to find food and also to find Belphie, who is asleep next to Lilith (3) who is making a valiant attempt at escaping the portable playpen. Barbatos (20) is keeping an eye on them while also juggling Satan (1) who is throwing the greatest tantrum known to man for seemingly no reason

Mammon and MC are forced to apologize (it's probably the most fake apology ever recorded but Lucifer & Diavolo are willing to take what they can at this point) and are sent away to 'corners' till the adults call everyone for food

The two seem to despise each other, MC's constantly grumbling to Solomon about how stupid Mammon is and Mammon is constantly grumbling to Levi about how stupid MC is

They have both stolen the other's hat at some point, Mammon's thrown sand into MC's pot - sorry cauldron and ruined their potions, MC's dumped a potion on mammon's hair that they said would turn him into a frog. They told him only true love's kiss could turn him back but because no one could ever love him he'd be a frog forever . Cue Mammon wailing his head off while Lucifer hosed down his hair and grumbled about how Mammon was way too old to still believe in any of this.

This back and forth continued for longer than anyone expected. Until one day, during a backyard BBQ, when Mammon was running away with MC's wand, the furious yelling behind him was cut off by a yelp. He turned around to see MC had tripped, he watched as they slowly pulled their legs up clutching on to the knee of the leg that had painfully skidded on the rough cement of their garage driveway they had been running across to get to the backyard. And despite how many times they had tackled each other to the ground they'd never made the other bleed. And now he watched as they sniffled and tried to hold in the tears even as their shoulders shook. And then he's dropping the wand on the ground and dashing to them, holding their face in his hand and trying to distract them from the blood that was making him nauseous while screaming for the others.

MC sits at a corner during the rest of the day, leg bandaged up and still sniffling softly. The inevitable had happened and they had finally tripped on their cloak (a dark purple blanket), which had been confiscated till further notice and everyone knew a witch needed a long flowing cape so till further notice they were a rather pathetic witch

Mammon walks up to them, toying with the brim of his pirate hat. They watch him suspiciously waiting for him to gloat about finally defeating the witches.

Instead he thrusts the hat towards them, "You can be a pirate, if ya wanna? Ya can even be cap'n, y'know cause of ya peg leg..."

"....I thought you were captain"

"I can be the first mate!"

"What about Levi?"

"Eh, he can be a sea monster."

_\- "HEY!" -_

"But I'm a witch, I still know magic!"

"You can be a pirate witch! Cure scurvy with ya potions and curse the enemies in ta eels!"

They do become the witch captain in Mammon's pirate games, they still tussle but it's decidedly less hostile, and usually part of their game. (Fighting over who the siren - Asmo - loves most while the siren plots to drown them both.) Solomon happily takes on the part of an evil sorcerer and even takes Belphie, Lilith and Satan as his minions. Lilith and Satan take to the roles surprisingly well, Belphie just sleeps through it all.

They become inseparable after that even when they grow too old to play pirates.

The pirate games are left to the past, but every once in a while they'll watch a pirate movie or a witch movie with bittersweet nostalgia

They go to senior prom together after MC asks a blushing Mammon

* * *

"Hey remember when we used to pretend to be pirates?"

The memory is decades old now but when Mammon smiles he still looks startlingly like the cheeky little brat they knew

"Yeah, was fun wasnn'it?"

"Why pirates though?"

"Dunno, I really wanted to find a treasure think we watched treasure planet the week before"

"Treasure _planet?_ Shouldn't there have been more" they move their hand through the air and made a whooshing sound.

Mammon shrugs casually, "Guess I just focused on the treasure part more than the planet part"

"Did we keep any of the storyline in, than that one word?"

"Nope, not really"

They bumped their hips, grinning stupidly at each other both tracking the screaming, laughing kids outside their window

They never really saw themself having kids but it was impossible to ignore how good Mammon always was with them and now they had their own gaggle of foster kids. They prayed they were doing a better job than Mammon's own foster father and wondered how exactly Lucifer had managed, and resolved to send him a bouquet of flowers and a thank you note

"Let's watch it again, with the brats"

"Yeah? Sure! Always kinda had a thing for the captain"

"Weird, me too."


	14. Fountain of Youth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Post Lesson 38 Canon storyline, non-compliant with lesson 39

With all that had been happening mammon hadn't gone up to the human world recently, and he takes the lull in the frequent disasters that occurred to him & his family to go check on his kid (& pay his debts to the witches). He hadn't been away for long he thinks, but the kid looks bigger, older than when he last saw her. Not drastically so, but noticeably. She also looks sicker, frailer but he tries not to think about that. The sight of her is heart wrenching and brings crashing on to him the thought that he was going to outlive her, hell he was going to outlive the witches and that reminds him of his other human. He was going to outlive them too.

And after returning home, for a while he mopes. He huddles up in his room and mopes and no he does not cry how dare you assume he's crying, it's just his ceiling that's leaking. And then he realises he's wasting time, precious seconds he could spend with them. So he becomes even clingier than he used to be, even more possessive. Enough so that it's starting fights among his brothers and even the human, who's usually all for enabling him, pulls him aside to ask him what the fuck is wrong.

After that he decides he's not going to sit and just take it, that he lives in a magic world full of magic beings and artifacts so there had to be a way to stop his human from aging.

He remembers reading a story about the fountain of youth to the kid at some point and is determined to find if something of that kind exists in the real world.

Cue Mammon's disastrous adventures to find the fountain of youth.

He tries researching on his own but finds that it's decidedly something he cannot do, specially not when he's so on edge so he gets Satan to do it for him. Tells him it's for a scheme but also imagine spiking Lucifer's tea with it and turning him in to a baby?!

He asks Levi if there are any games based off it

Asks Asmo for products that can keep him looking youthful

Tries to get Lucifer to talk about it except it's very obvious he's up to something

Tries to get Simeon to talk about it and ends up trying to break into the celestial realm

Tries to get diavolo to talk about it and ends up trying to steal the demon king's treasure cause he's convinced that's it

Tries to talk to barbatos to talk about it but just gets freaked out

He'd ask Solomon except MC and Solomon have been spending an awful amount of time together trying to figure out MC's powers and he's too distracted to even worry about their close proximity

He does get a few maybe potions from Asmo and Satan except one of them just dyes MC's hair pink (Satan borrows that with a devious smile) and another just gives them cat ears (he side eyes Satan at that).

After he turns them into a toddler for a day and is tasked by a seething Lucifer to look after them (somehow it's even harder than looking after a normal sized MC considering the toddler had somehow managed to climb the drapes and refused to get down) a fully grown MC finally stages an intervention and asks him about what was actually going on.

At first he tries to deflect but the increasingly unimpressed looks eventually makes him fold and tell them the thought process behind all of this. At first he's angry and loud as he goes through it but eventually his voice comes out in soft hitching whispers and he can't even bring himself to meet their eyes.

His face in buried in their neck as he clings on to them and desperately tells them that no matter what he'll still love them, that he wants them by his side forever but that he wasn't lying when he said that them being human wouldn't stop him from loving them & that even their own mortality won't stop him from loving them for the rest of his life. That he'll never meet someone who so wholly stole his heart like they did and he'll be by their side till the end.

They hold him tightly and let him cry into their shoulder, they rub his back and press kisses into his hair. When he finally settles down they say "you know how Solomon stopped aging because he shared the powers of so many demons?"

"...yeah, so?"

"And you know how because I'm not fully human and because I have pacts with the seven most powerful demons I also share an equal amount of power as Solomon"

"...yeah"

"..."

"...."

"Oh."


	15. Make it Rain

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Human au, stripper au

In an effort to at least pay off some of his debt Mammon drunkenly decides to become a stripper. When he's sober enough the next morning he figures why not actually commit to it and see where it goes. He's never being shy of his body and he already models part time so he knows how to make himself look good/ sellable so really why not?! Oh right, Lucifer. But he's sure he can keep it a secret from him.

He does end up getting a job as a stripper, not at one of the fancy clubs that Lucifer or Asmo would go to but not at one of the shadier ones he usually frequented either.

And he's good at it! Really really good at it! Plus it's fun!

MC's being working as a bartender at a strip club long enough that naked, oiled withering bodies don't really faze them anymore. Just another part of the job really. But even they have to admit it's a little sweet when the new guy practically bounds up to them after the end of his first day with the goofiest grin they've ever seen. He talks fast and loud, hands flying about, talking them through his routine and they only learn his name when he refers to himself as 'The Great Mammon'. He asks them whether they caught his routine and they find they're actually sad to say they didn't, a new routine wasn't exactly..well new to them after all and they had a job to do. But they do feel guilty when his shoulders droop a little and his smile wavers, instead they slide a drink over to him and tell him it's on the house, a congratulatory drink for getting through his first day. That perks him up a bit but they can tell he's dropping from his adrenaline high from the way he's now sleepily blinking at them. They ask him whether he's got a ride home, and when he says he doesn't they ask him whether he'd like one. He asks them through a yawn whether they're a serial killer and they tell him that he'd have to find out. He looks genuinely worried at that so they finally introduce themself and tell him he can text someone to let them know who he's with, he scoffs and tells them he can take on any serial killers by himself but they're pretty sure they catch him vigorously typing on his phone as they move down the bar. He falls asleep while waiting for their shift to end and then sleepily calls out directions to his house while curled up in the front seat of their car.

That quickly becomes their routine, where he'd come to the bar and chatter away while they pour him free drinks, and when their shift ends they'll drop him back home

After his second show they tell him he did amazing because he did and even in the low light they can see how his ears flush. It's endearing

They find out that even though he has no problem stripping off in front of groups of strangers, even though he's loud and obnoxious that when it comes down to it he's actually kind of shy. He blushes and stutters whenever they compliment him, he still seems kinda dazed when they slide a free drink towards him, seems bewildered at the bright smile that takes over their face when they see him coming towards the bar, the way he stutters and accidentally insults them when he tries to compliment them leading to him swearing under his breath and repeating the compliment through his stuttering while refusing to meet their eyes. It's cute. He's cute.

When mammon had approached the bar after his first routine he hadn't even noticed the bartender, he was bubbling with energy after his routine, his skin felt too tight like it constrained him and he just needed to let all that excess energy go so he figures he'll grab a drink and talk it out, after all aren't bartenders paid to listen to the woes of customers. Or to at least acknowledge their ramblings with an occasional nod. He'll take it. He's not sure at what point he actually focuses on the bartender, at what point he notices them as a person but it makes his breath hitch and his face flush.

Because they're looking back at him with the smallest smile on their face, because they look like they've been listening to very word he said. It makes him fall over himself to ask them if they had seen his routine, and it's stupid because he knows they have work, that they wouldn't have been able to focus on just another routine but he still feels disappointed when they said they hadn't. That disappointment is what more or less brings him back to earth and he feels a bone deep weariness, he wants to curl up under his covers and sleep it off but he also wants to feel skin against his, words whispered into his ears, he doesn't want to feel alone so he decides he'll stay at least for a little longer before he leaves except the bartender is offering him a ride and introducing themself and maybe he's a bit worried about taking a ride with a stranger but he ends up accepting and he ends up accepting it every single time he's at the club.

During his second day he gets another free drink from the bartender who smiles brightly at him and tells him they caught his routine and how amazing it was

The rest of their days go like that, he comes over and rambles till his adrenaline high starts to drop and he becomes progressively more tired. Along the way MC picks up on when exactly this is and how he seems to crave physical contact after it and takes to squeezing his hand as they pass him behind the bar and telling how good his routine of the day was. It eventually evolves into running their fingers through his hair when no one is looking and long hugs before they get into the car

One day Mammon finishes up to find MC on the wrong side of the bar, sitting at a stool. They still beam when they see him like it's any other day

"Finally fired ya for handin' out freebies huh?"

"You do know that'll be a bad thing for you too right?"

"Yeah? Maybe I'll just seduce another bartender, get my kicks from them"

"With your A+ pickup lines?"

"With my hips!"

"With your hips!"

They end up sitting at the bar and talking about his routine and then his brothers and then MC's life.

"Fuck's with the change anyway," Mammon asks as they get into the car.

"Hmm? Oh, I had the day off."

"Yeah, then why'd ya come?"

They look at him like he's the one not making any sense. "To pick you up."

He's silent and red faced for the rest of the ride.

On a day when they're working the bar and Mammon should rightfully be on stage but isn't, he turns up an hour before their shift ends.

"Lucifer" he says with a roll of his eyes. Because he always referred to his older brother at Lu they assume he means the actual devil and just takes it in stride. "Found out I was a stripper and threw a hissy fit, thought he was gonna burst a vessel or somethin'. So I guess I'm done now."

"I'm sorry," they say because he looks genuinely sad and because they are genuinely sad, those hips really were something else. Though considering none of the other hips they saw on a daily basis did anything for them maybe it was the person attached to those hips who was really something else.

"Yeah, fuckin' sucks," he runs a hand through his hair and then turns a deep shade of red, "listen - uh listen do ya wanna maybe go grab a bite to eat at like," he looks at the time on his phone, "a shady 24/7 diner maybe," he pauses "with me. But uh if ya don't wanna I can just," he gestures at the door, "leave? 'S an hour till your shift's done so I didn't wanna pres-"

"YES!" Their own face is flaming but they've got the stupidest smile on their face

His own face splits into something cocky, he gives a little whirl of his hips, "Seduced by The Great Mammon's hips huh?"

"Yup, definitely." Their eyes don't leave his for even a second.


	16. Witch Hunt

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fantasy au! Witch & familiar au!

People are not sure what makes someone magic or a familiar or why even only certain people with magic have familiars

Mammon is not even sure how he was created or how he knows his name is Mammon. He just knows one day he was _there._ Alive and alone, with nowhere to go and nothing to do. He knew he wasn't like the other people, not even the ones who could do strange things with a wave of their hand and some muttered words. But he wasn't really like the other animals either.

He also knew he was searching for something. Not sure what it was though, he was more than happy to pick up any small shiny thing from shiny rocks on the ground to bits of jewelry off people's necks. He does it as a human because opposable thumbs are amazing and he does it as a bird because he's quick and can fly away. It's not a bad existence, even with the occasional shoe thrown his way but it's lonely. Humans and animals both seem to know he's not quite right and avoid him just for it.

It's lonely right up until he meets her.

He doesn't notice her at first as he sits on a low branch and tries to find his next new shiny thing, until he tunes back in to his immediate surroundings and realises the 'pssst' sounds were directed at him. Looking down he notices a little girl, scrawny as can be, making small noises at him and waving around pieces of bread. He hops down out of pure curiosity because a human has never approached him before. He makes sure to keep his distance though because he knows how violent they can be. The girl instead tosses a piece of bread at him from far and giggles when he gingerly picks it up. He tosses the bread back at her, because there's no way he's gonna eat bread some random brat threw on the ground. This seems to delight her even more and she tosses it back. They toss the bread back and forth for a bit before their game is interrupted by her wheezing hacking coughs that seems to shake her whole body. His little heart pounds a vicious beat in his chest as an older human comes and picks her up and takes her away. She waves a tiny grubby hand at him over the human's shoulder and calls him a _pretty bird_ between her gasps for air. The words seem to knock something loose in him. He doesn't think she's what he is looking for but for the first time it doesn't matter. After that he constantly visits her. Plays with her and lets her run her fingers through his feathers. Brings her shiny little rocks and shells. He never lets her see his human form, and he watches as she gets frailer, as her fits of coughing get longer, he's not sure what's wrong with her but whatever it is it's killing her. That he's sure of.

He's heard rumours of them before. The witches that live up a hill, almost a days journey from the town, and could perform any sort of miracle for a prize.

He's more than a little desperate when he makes his way up that hill in his human form. The witches seem to regard his loud blustering demands with cold smiles right until his façade cracks and he's practically begging them. Then their faces smooth out into warm smiles as they tell him they'd be more than happy to keep his kid alive, as long as he becomes their familiar. They have spells to cast, you see, and potions to brew that need ingredients or items that are troublesome to obtain, and when he has adequately paid back his debts for the amount of magic it’ll take them to heal a dying human, then they’ll permanently heal the kid. Till then to make sure he sticks to the deal they’ll do just enough to keep the kid alive but not healthy.

That's when he first learns what he is. _A familiar_. A magic being that's not quite human and not quite animal. A guide and eternal companion. Born with his soul already entwined with that of a magical human.

He doesn't think he's the familiar of any of these witches but it's okay. At first, it's okay. They're nice to him, at first. They make him run errands or fetch them ingredients and it's all easy enough at first. Then they start syphoning his magic, pulling at his already limited resource to cast continuous spells that are stronger and more intricate than the last.

It gets to a point where he is constantly drained, where maintaining a human form becomes near impossible, where flying to make sure they're keeping their promise and that his kid is well takes so much out of him that he can't even bring himself to go down and actually meet her.

He tries to tell them, that it's too much, that he'll go on errands for them again, bring them back jewels and money, that he's not sure how long he'll be able to survive like this. But of course, they don't understand him. After all, he's just a bird.

On a day when he's genuinely scared. Genuinely scared of dying like this he tries to leave, he gathers what little energy he has and flies away. He figures he'll leave them, get better and then travel as far as possible to find another witch. Someone hopefully less likely to accidentally kill him.

They cage him. He doesn't even make it out of their garden.

The cage is small. Much too small for a bird of his size, suited more for a small songbird, but he doesn't think that'll really matter for much longer. Too tired to even stand he lays on its bottom and distantly wonders what _his_ human would be like. That one human who was made specially for him. What colour would their hair be? Their eyes? Would they be nice? Or was it a Familiar's place to be used for their magic? Whatever they're like he _wants them_. He wants to be out of here and with them, whoever they are.

It's two days later. He's been in and out of something like consciousness. He vaguely hears a knock on the door and hears the witches talking. There's a fourth voice that sounds strangely familiar. Something in his chest tugs. _He needs._ He needs to _do something_. He's just not sure what. Not sure if he'll have the energy to do it even if he found out what it was. He listens to the voices. The fourth feels warm. Can voices be warm? He calls out to it. His own voice comes out as feeble and he worries they wouldn’t have heard him.

The voices at the door go silent. Then the fourth one speaks up thanking the others and bidding them farewell. The door closes. They left him. _They left him._

Hours later, when he thinks it may be night, and the witches have cast their usual protective spells over their cottage and left to harvest any herbs that can only be collected under moonlight, he feels the warm buzz of familiar-unfamiliar magic in the air. Feels the protective spells and wards surrounding the cottage shift, and a part of him is worried. Worried that something was able to not destroy, but to manipulate the entwined wards of three witches. But mostly, mostly he’s just very very tired.

He doesn’t really hear the door creak open or someone swear when they bump their knee against a table, he does however feel that buzz of familiar yet strange magic around the bars of his cage. It glides over his feathers, warm and comforting. He feels the sharp crack as the witches’ magic dissipates, as the lock of the cage breaks open.

“Pretty Bird, what did they do to you,” whispers a voice, before warm calloused hands are wrapping around him, he takes the opportunity to peck at them viciously, the voice swears and the hands retreat, then a thick cloth is being wrapped around him. Trapping his wings, he’s picked up again and tucked safely against someone’s chest. He swears as much as a bird can, meaning it’s just weak angry squawks but the person laughs as if they understand him well enough. There’s considerably more noise as the person leaves the house, bottles falling over and he thinks he sees them grabbing things using their free hand and stuffing them into their bag. He feels the cold night on his face, a light breeze ruffling his feathers for the first time in days and then it’s whizzing past them as they lift in to the air, with him still safely tucked against their chest. He hears the sound of explosions behind him and cranes his head to see the witches’ cottage burst in a series of colourful fireworks. The stranger – the witch – holding him laughs, “Sorry, couldn’t help it” and maybe he should be more worried, should be scared that he’s going from one set of cruel masters to another unknown one but for now all he can feel is a thrill as the fireworks whizz above them as they fly through the night sky.

He’s not sure at what time he fell asleep, at what time they landed, what time it currently was or even where they were. He awoke on a thick pile of soft cloth at the edge of a little clearing in a forest with sunlight filtering through. He considers making a run for it but his body still feels too heavy.

“You look like shit” says the new witch, his new master as they walk over to him. He shoots them a withering glare, or as much of a withering glare as he can attempt in his current form and they apologise, seeming genuinely chastised. They plop on to the ground next to him and he eyes their hand, waiting for them to come any closer. “We’re a few days away from the cottage,” they said, while their hand rummaged around in their satchel, “figured your – um the witches were probably looking for us. Might as well lay low for a while.” They crow triumphantly as their hand emerges out clutched around a handful of something, he feels the dull ache of hopelessness as he thinks about the brat. Days away and with nothing to keep her alive. He startles as a few fresh berries are placed on the cloth in front of him, “You can eat once we figure out your magic,” they say, sounding vaguely guilty and he pecks at their hand again using the last of his strength to flap his wings and launch himself into the air because there’s no fucking way he’s becoming someone’s energy source again, because there’s no fucking way he’s going to survive that. He’s barely off the ground before warm calloused hands grab him, he squawks and pecks at them and curses in a language only he seems to understand

‘YOU’RE THE FUCKIN’ WORST’

“yes, yes I’m the worst”

‘HOPE YA CHOKE’

“I know, I know I’m late and I probably deserve that”

‘GONNA PECK YA EYEBALLS OUT WHEN YA SLEEP’

“jesus christ”

It takes him an embarrassingly long time to realise the witch seems to understand him and that shocks him enough to freeze him in place, they use the opportunity to pin him to the cloth with one hand and gently run the other over the back of his head. He feels the tingle of magic in their fingertips and squeezes his eyes shut waiting for them to suck out the rest of his magic and life force, instead they feed their own magic into his body. He eyes spring open as the warmth of their magic settles within his chest, flows through his veins. It’s strange and new, yet familiar. It takes him too long to realise it tastes like his own magic. He stares at them as they hum a little melody under their breath and continue with their work. When they notice his gaze, they shoot him a guilty smile, “I’m sorry,” they say, sounding genuinely sorry, “for not coming for you earlier… I didn’t really even think you existed for a while, even though it always felt like I was looking for you” they stroke his head gently and he has no fucking idea what the hell they were talking about but he nips their finger with something like forgiveness and they chuckle under their breath.

He nips at their fingers again when their face starts to look drawn and they smile gratefully and promise to replenish the rest of his magic over the next few days, they introduce themself while he eats and tells him about their travels across the world, through it all they don’t seem to be able to take their eyes off him.

At a little past noon, they bundle up in their cloak and scarf that he’d been sleeping on, pulling out a large pointy hat and broomstick from who knows where. He immensely wishes he was human just so he could laugh, he’d seen witches with pointy hats and broomsticks in the kid’s books but the three witches in the cottage had looked like ordinary cottage dwellers, the witch seems to know this because they scowl down at him even as their cheeks flush, “shut up, all the witches in the story books looked like this plus the broom’s fast and convenient. I’m balls at teleportation spells.” It seems to be an unspoken assumption that he’s coming with them, and he doesn’t struggle when they tuck him into the loose folds of their ridiculously long scarf that they wind around their neck and sling across their chest.

They continue like this for a few days, feeding him their magic and travelling, camping out where ever they can find shelter. They tell him stories of their childhood and their travels or just hum melodies under their breath, he graduates from being snuggled up in their scarf to sitting on their shoulder and nipping at their ear to flying circles around them while they soar through the air. They sometimes play a game similar to tag in the clouds, their laughter rings out across the skies and it makes something in his chest grow. The first time they’re at a crowded market, he flies off, he almost expects them to catch him, to cage him, but they pay him no mind, instead weaving their way through the stalls. Instinctively he plucks a shiny chain off a stall table, flying off as fast as he can as the owner screeches and gives chase. Eventually he spots his witch’s head in the crowd and swoops down towards them, throwing himself into their bag. It’s instinct. The unconscious promise of safety even as his conscious mind screams at him for being stupid, for not flying away when he could. He hears the man approach the witch and ask about him, he waits for their hand to reach into the bag and drag him out. Instead, in the same calm, friendly voice they’d used to speak to the three witches they tell the man they didn’t see him but will keep an eye open. When the man leaves, they start making their way back through the market. “Next time don’t get caught.” He settles into the bag for the rest of the trip.

Eventually he has enough magic that he knows he’ll be able to turn human again, he’ll be able to properly tell them about the kid. While a small part of him is still waiting for them to lock him in a cage and steal his magic, a larger part of him trusts them. Trusts them to take him seriously and help him, or at the very least not put up a fight if he leaves to find someone else to help his kid. So when they leave to gather food (“Fishing! I’m going fishing because I can provide meat and protein for this family because I am a competent adult goddamnit!”) he shifts into his human form, blinking through the disorientation at being a tall two-legged mammal for the first time in weeks. He sits and waits for them, unable to stop the shit-eating smile when they come back sopping wet and fishless, grumbling under their breath.

“Really provin’ ya skills as a competent adult there”

“Shut the fuck up” they do a double take at his voice, fingers going slack from where they were squeezing out their clothes.

“Yo” he says leaning against a tree and trying to look cool

Their mouth opens and closes for a bit before they’re marching up to him, he instantly straightens from his ‘casual’ slouch.

“You have really pretty eyes” they sound a bit dazed

He immediately splutters, “SHUDDUP!, DON’T – YA CAN’T JUST SAY SHIT LIKE THAT!! Jeez…”

Both their faces are red as they stare at each other.

“Mammon” he finally grumbles

“Mammon” they nod after a moment’s hesitation before smiling at him like they always have.

He tells them about the kid and the deal with the witches and they listen as seriously as he thought they would.

“Right” they give a sharp nod after he’s finished “Let’s go see her then”

“Wait – W-wait really?”

“Yeah, I’ll need to see her to figure out how to help her”

“R-right…and what do ya want in return?”

They look at him like he’s mad “Nothing”

“Bullshit! No one wants nothin’ ”

They shrug, “I just want your kid to get better”

He’d left the witches almost a month ago and they make the journey back to the village in six days time.

“What about the witches” he asks

“Fuck them” says his witch with heat

He watches from a tree as they meet his kid and introduce themself as a travelling Doctor to the head of the orphanage. They wiggle their fingers, when it seems like she’s going to protest, and he watches as the woman’s eyes glaze over. He shudders a bit at the realization of how powerful his witch actually is. It’s not really fear though, it’s something closer to awe. He watches them talk to the kid, sitting cross legged on the ground to be closer to her height, the kid looks smaller, thinner than when he last saw her, her coughing fits last longer but she still laughs as she talks with his witch and he feels a rush of overpowering warmth wash over him.

“I know how to heal her,” they say when they return to him, “easy peasy”

“Easy peasy” he echoes

Three days. It takes three days. He’s almost overcome by a burning anger as he thinks of the witches, the time he lost with them as his kid suffers. His witch knocks him upside the head, “focus,” they say “not on your anger but on your love for her, love’s the strongest type of magic” He grumbles, certain that they got that line from another of their storybooks but he listens to them and focuses, they steal a sliver of his magic that he willingly gives them, combining it with their own and herbs they had spent the last three days collecting. They chant words he shouldn’t be able to understand but still does, combining all the elements together.

“Were ya always this powerful” he asks after they are finished

They snort, “Of course, not. Wouldn’t have been able to do any of this if I hadn’t found you, my magic would have been incomplete.”

One spoon of their potion brings colour back to his kid’s cheeks. Another spoon reduces her hacking coughs. 31 more spoons over 31 more days sees her running with the other kids and playing their games. She’s still notably smaller and thinner than them, but she’s alive. She’s living a life instead of living till death came for her.

Mammon swoops his witch up and twirls them around, shrieking with laughter when he realizes she’ll live “Fuckin’ angel!” he yells, kissing them right on the mouth before he realizes what he had done and drops them blushing and stuttering through excuses before he stomps away.

They eventually convince him to meet up with the kid, and he’s terrified because the kid had known him as a bird never as a human and what if she didn’t like him as much?

“Who wouldn’t like you as a human,” his witch asks sounding both extremely puzzled and offended. He grumbles because he’s certain his witch is gonna be the death of him, possibly via heart failure if the way his heart is hammering against his chest is any indication.

When he first meets her, he stutters through an introduction while the brat stares at him silently for a full minute, when he’s finally considering turning tail and running, she launches herself at his legs with a shriek of “BIRDIE”. She clings on to his legs and wails about him not coming to see her sooner, he apologises profusely before bending down to scoop her up and hug her to him and bury his face in her hair as she sobs into his neck. He can sense the ‘I told you so’ coming from his witch.

He spends days with the kid, playing with her and reading her stories and braiding her hair. She seems to have warmed up to his witch as easily as he did. Eventually he aches to feel the cool air between his wings again, to see world his witch had spoken of. So they leave, with promises made to their kid that they’ll be back. He tucks a feather into her hair as his witch mutters a protection charm over it.

They fly across the world, with him stealing trinkets to take back to their kid. Along the way he meets others like him and their witches, Lucifer and Diavolo, Satan and Barbatos, Levi and Simeon, Beel and Luke, Belphie and Lilith. It takes him till he first meets Asmo and Solomon for him to realise he’s his witch’s familiar.

“WHY THE FUCK DIDN’T YA TELL ME?!?”

“I THOUGHT YOU KNEW!!!”


	17. Worth More Than Gold

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mer + Pirate Au. Enemies to friends to lovers, casual thoughts of murder, minor blood, violence and character death. Vague suicidal ideations. Happy Ending.

Listen listen pirate MC and mer Mammon. And I don't mean Disney type merpeople either, I mean a wide mouth full of tiny razor sharp teeth, eyes without distinct sclera or iris which are completely blue with flecks of gold and slitted pupils, pointed grey fading into black fins in place of ears, gills at the base of the throat, a long winding pitch black glittering tail with white and gold patterns like the ones on his pants in his demon form, the tail doesn't start immediately from his hips instead there are black scales along his sides that wind down towards the tail, a long leathery black and white tail fin (reminiscent of his wing) with tears at the end, pitch black hands and lower arms that slowly fade into human skin past the elbow, long white claws, white paint like birthmarks along his front and back that glow in the deepest recesses of the sea.

As far as rankings go Mammon's pretty high up, as the brother of the prince's ~~boyfri~~ right hand man, but rather than acting as a respected member of society he'd rather spend his time scavenging human wreckages for shiny, pretty, rich things. Of course he has to keep this secret from Lucifer who doesn't really make his dislike for humans unknown ever since their sister was killed my one, but that doesn't really stop Mammon's greed for more more more. Soon enough his greed cries for new gold, new treasures that shine without him having to polish them. So he goes up, away from the trenches they lived in, and past the sea bed that Lucifer used as their limit. He'd heard stories before from Satan of humans who hid buried treasures on islands and after borrowing (stealing) some of Satan's scrolls that he had collected from wrecks and enchanted in order to preserve them he knew exactly where he wanted to go, now he wasn't quite sure how he was going to get the treasure from the island but he was sure he could figure it out on the spot, after all planning in advance was never really his thing.

By the time he gets to the island however there's already a human ship there, he swims closer to the surface and hides behind some rocks to watch the loud noisy humans move around on the shore and their ship. The flag tells him pirates. Pirates tells him treasure. Treasure tells him gold. There's no way he'll be able to get at it if they get the treasure to their ship so instead he waits and watches. Finally a set of pirates arrive from the trees, carrying what could only be a treasure chest between them. He draws closer underwater as they load it into the rowboat and when they're halfway between the shore and their ship he capsizes the boat. Immediately reaching for the heavy chest and dragging it down with him while the pirates struggle to get back above water. There's a splash ahead of him as another human presumably dives off the ship into the water. The human's eyes widen as their eyes meet and they both seem to freeze before with a jolt the human is pushing towards him. He twists and turns away but their hand still latches on to the opposite handle of the chest. He growls at them low and dangerous and then yelps when something sharp swipes at his wrist. His skin's too tough to be pierced by the human's dagger but it still startles him enough for them to aim a kick at his midsection and start swimming away with the chest. He growls again and grabs on to the handle just as they surface, dragging them back down underwater. He considers letting go of the chest to take a bite outta their neck, but it's been centuries since he ate a human and it has never been one of his favourite meats. Instead he tugs at the chest as they tug it towards them.

The old water logged decayed chest creaks, before it eventually breaks apart, releasing gold coins and jewels into the murky waters. They share eye contact for a brief second before they're both diving for it. He wraps whatever jewelry he can around his wrists and neck while they stuff coins down the front of their tucked shirt. Eventually they're kicking away and he briefly entertains the casual thought of drowning them but instead they exchange an universal rude gesture before the human breaks the surface and is hauled on to the uprighted row boat.

To say Mammon is frustrated is an understatement, he wanted the treasure, all of it! Instead some human had managed to make away with almost half of what should be his. After storing his loot in his cavern he comes to a decision, they're pirates right? He'll just make sure he'll steal the whole of their next bounty. So he follows them around across half the world's oceans, within diavolo's territories, stealing what he can from them. He waits impatiently when they travel to Michael's side but they always seem to spend much less time there. It's always the same human he meets, the one with the wicked glint in their eyes who has no problem diving into the sea to grapple with him over shiny gold. He doesn't pull his punches, not really, but he always makes sure to keep his teeth and claws out of it, to make sure they had enough time to resurface for air before diving back in. He's not sure why exactly he does it, maybe it's the look in their eyes when they meet his. There's respect there, they never look down on him, never see him as something less like his brothers do. To them he's a worthy and cunning opponent and something about that makes his chest puff out and his cheeks warm.

One day when he nears the surface it's to loud noises that make him wince and two ships instead of one. He watches from far as bodies fall into the water, dead or dying, he recognises them as pirates from his - _the_ human's ship. He watches from afar for their body to drop in to the waters, but it never does, instead the ship sinks and eventually the other leaves. He knows he should follow the ship, that he should search through the wreckage for any treasure, any valuables. Instead he heads to the surface. Lets his eyes scan across the debris. Eventually he finds his - **_the_** human, curled up on a large plank of wood. They're bleeding sluggishly from their side but their face lights up with a tired smile when they see him.

"Figured it'd be you. Guess it's only right. S'ppose it's more noble than being eaten by a shark."

His nose scrunches up and he wants to tell them how unlikely it is that a shark will even want to eat them but they seem to understand well enough because they say "might be dehydration. That sounds too long and boring." They dip their hand into the water by his semi submerged head "go on then, fish"

He should. He really should. He should at least take their hand off for the 'fish' comment instead he dives underwater and latches on to the bottom of their plank. He starts pushing them.

They end up on the closest island he can find. It's small and he doesn't think there are any humans there, doesn't know where he can find any humans either but it's all he's got. The human seems surprised when they hit the land, "huh" they say before staggering on to their feet, hand clutching at their side as they step on to the sand. They turn back to him with a bewildered look and finally introduce themself. He shifts the muscles in his throat, pressing out words through vocal cords to mimic the human's language and tells them " 'm Mammon, not a fuckin' fish" they seem surprised but then they laugh and the sound makes his cheeks heat up so he dives back underwater.

He comes back the next day, the human looks bad. They've ripped off their shirt to tie it around their side but the blood has seeped through. Their skin is ashen like he had actually left them to drown and there are dark circles forming under their eyes.

"Hey Mammon," they say sounding tired, they move closer to the water. Their steps are staggering and slow.

"Did ya eat?"

Their lips twitch, "Nah"

He pulls his hand out of the water, tossing two large fish at their feet.

They blink, surprised again. "Why are you helping me," they ask slowly "why didn't you eat me?"

The fins on the side of his face flutter lightly in embarrassment as he tries to think of an answer to a question he's been asking himself. "Tch, ya humans are so pathetic! Wouldn't be fair game y'know" he aims for casual and probably misses from the way the human smiles.

"Eat ya dummy," he says to take the attention off him

They look at the fish, "I'll need to build a fire, gather material," they look at the sparse forest behind them, "but -" their hand goes to their side "not really sure how I can do that"

"What's a fire"

They blink. "It's hot. To cook the fish"

"What's a cook"

"It's - I dunno. I need to do it before I eat the fish"

"Why"

"So I don't shit myself"

He snorts and they cackle, groaning immediately and clutching at their side. He watches them for a second, something painful stirring in his chest before he dives back under. He's back a little later with whatever medicine he could find. He guides them through it as they dubiously apply it.

"Is it to get at my treasure," they ask at some point. "There's no use, it was all stolen" He tells them to shut up and wrap the wound tighter. After that the wound heals abnormally fast enough that it's enough for them to wander in to the woods to find what they need. It's not completely healed if the way they clutch their side and limp is any indication but it's better than before. They do build a fire, after a lot of struggling and he's enchanted. He wants to take it back and hide it in his cavern, they laugh at him and tell him it's not possible. He growls and leaves to bring back more fresh fish. He steals a small cauldron for them from home and they boil water from a little reserve they found in the woods, since apparently human's can't drink pure water from the sea, he tells them how useless humans are and they throw a clump of sand at him, he laughs.

For a while, they spend their days like that. His - the human lights up whenever they see him and well he lights up a bit too. They sit on a small rock by the shore while he lounges in the waves next to them and they talk. They tell him about the human world and he tells them about the merworld. They tell him about their crew and he tells them about his brothers. They tell him about their treasures and how they collected them and he tells them about his and how he collected his. He counts their toes as they lament their lost treasure.

"Wanna go for a swim," he asks them one day, their eyes sparkle. He swims slower than he ever has before with them clinging to his back and frequently surfaces, each time he does their laughter ruffles his fins

The day after a storm when he goes to the island he finds them desperately trying to light their fire again, they look defeated like they were in the beginning.

"Won't be able to find kindling, everything's wet," they say in greeting, walking over to him and plopping down right in the surf. He holds up the fish in question and they wave him off, tell him to try again the next day. They talk the day away before he has to leave so as not to rouse Lucifer's suspicion but their voice seems distant and they don't meet his eyes.

It rains again and the next day their eyes are swollen, "water's run out" they say as they plop next to him and wave away the fish.

It doesn't rain after that but their fire's still not lit, "everything's still wet," they say.

"Did ya even go ta check," he asks.

They smile.

"Maybe it'd be better if you'd just let me drown," they say the next day as they stare at the horizon. Their face is sunken, their hair is a weird greasy yet brittle mess, their eyes look too large for their face, their hands tremble, his heart pitter patters a rapid beat against his chest. "Maybe it would have been better. I think it's the loneliness that's the worst."

He opens his mouth to tell them they weren't alone, he was here, how could they be alone when he was here but a look from them shuts his mouth. Because the loneliness would have killed him too if he was stuck alone without his brothers with just a few hours spent with the human as his only contact during the day. The realisation doesn't stop the whine that's rising in his throat though.

"Maybe," they say with a dry chuckle, "maybe I'll be reborn as a merperson and we can swim across the oceans reclaiming my treasure. Together." They look at him, their eyes are soft but they lack the light that had kept them alive all the times they dived into the ocean after him. They looked defeated. Somehow they seemed both impossibly young and impossibly old. They were the eyes of a dead thing.

"Maybe you should leave Mammon." They run their fingers through his bangs and tuck a clump of wet hair behind one of his little fins. They smile sadly before they heave themself off the sand and towards the shore. They look small and pitiful, something he's never seen them be before not even when they were bleeding out on a plank.

His heart aches and his stomach is in knots as he dives back under the waves. Lucifer, Lucifer wouldn't understand and diavolo would just tell lucifer, so instead he swims to Asmo.

He almost crashes into his younger brother who hisses at him before he ignores him and goes back to plucking his eyebrows.

"I need ya help" the words come up rushed and jumbled but asmo seems to understand because he says

"No. You can't have my jewelry or sell it. I don't care what you did. Now leave."

"Don't need ya fuckin' jewelry! I need ta make a deal"

Asmo pauses for a second, face frozen before he goes back to his work diligently. "I have no idea what you're talking about" he says with a little sniff.

"The witch. I know ya know where he is and I needta make a deal"

"Even if I knew where he was why would I tell you"

" 'cause I'll snitch to Lucifer if ya don't"

"What! So you can get more gold!? You greedy scummy lying little -"

"Asmo, _please"_

Asmo turns around at that finally facing him and he isn't sure what he sees that makes his scowl fall and his whole face soften.

"Oh, all right," Asmo says with a huff "but this stays between us."

Mammon nods his head so fast he makes himself dizzy

"And you'll have to give him something in return"

"Anythin' "

Asmo frowns a little, a puzzled little thing that doesn't make him glow any less. With a hesitant nod he swims past mammon with a jerk of his head. Mammon follows after.

The witch lives in a trench deeper than theirs but still within their territory, it's darker than he expected and vaguely ominous. He looks at Mammon with a smile that never wavers even as he says "A human". His eyes sparkle with something like amusement and his long limbs unfurl. Behind Mammon bottles clink as Asmo snoops around, uncorking and sniffing at potions, trying to appear uninterested.

Mammon nods, talking so fast his words seem to trip over each other. " Yeah, yeah a human. They're sick. Real sick. Ya gotta do somethin', anythin' okay? They've... They've just given up but - "

"You haven't?"

He shrugs. He's burning with anger at his own helplessness, at the stupid human for just laying down to die, at the witch who seems unconcerned with everything.

"And why do you care?"

"I just told ya! 'Cause my human's dying!

The witch nods, like this is a perfect answer. " And what do you want me to do?"

"I - I want ya to heal them. Make them healthy, let them be with their people, give them a life where they can be free, can live their life to its potential." He pauses to think of their brilliant eyes, their wicked smile, his own lips twist in a soft smile as his gaze becomes distant. "I want them to get that light back. I want them to be happy."

"Hmm, that is a tall order." The witch's gaze drifts above Mammon's shoulder. He locks it with Asmo, who has gone strangely quiet behind them. "It'll be quite the price."

" 's fine."

"Really? Even if I say that price is all your treasure, all your gold? Your whole cavern? Everything you ever meticulously coll-"

"All of it"

That seems to catch both the witch and Asmo off guard. There's a loud crash behind him but he doesn't take his eyes off the witch. Who eventually chuckles. "Okay" he says

Mammon rushes back to the island. To the human. When he makes it to the shore they're not there. There aren't any footprints in the sand either. He wonders how Solomon's magic works. Would the human just be zapped, alive and healthy into the middle of a human city? He sighs, his heart still aches but the knots in his stomach have loosened. He dives back beneath the water, ready to make it back home and maybe mope in a corner when something large collides with his stomach and sends him reeling through the water. He hisses fiercely rounding on to the healthy flushed face of the human. It takes him a second to reorient himself, the large smile that had started taking over his features starts dropping as he sees more and more of them. As he sees the long winding tail in shades of the lightest purple and splashes of pink mixed in with whites, as long as his own. The human's tail flicked lazily in the water as they blinked at him with their thin horizontal membrane like eyelids.

"Hiya fish"

His breath hitches as he launches himself at them, their tails instinctively winding together as he buries his face in their neck and tearlessly sobs out apologies in between promises to gut the witch.

"What," they say as they run their claws through his hair

"Made a deal with Asmo's stupid witch. Just wanted ya to be alive and happy with the people you care 'bout, didn't want ta nab ya from ya people"

They laugh then, "Mammon I think he might've given you exactly what you asked for"

It takes him a while to realise what they'd implied, "Oh" his nails dig into their back and they sway in place for awhile before his human -because they will always, always be his human- suddenly jolts away and holds him at arms length. Scanning him from top to bottom as if they're trying to find something missing

"What did you give him? Isn't that how magic deals work? You give something in return"

"My treasure, the gold, the whole cavern"

"Mammon! You - " they seem alarmed so he cuts them off

"You're worth it." He bonks their foreheads together, nuzzling before he nips at a spot behind the fin that had replaced their human ears. "Worth it, ya dummy," he says in case they didn't hear him the first time

They return the bite, by catching the skin under his jaw "Guess we'll just have to find new treasures to replace what we lost. Well," their smile is wicked and devious and dangerous, his heart pounds victoriously "unless I get it all for myself first I guess" they immediately untangle from him, shooting through the water with impressive speed, making sure their tail smacks him on the way past.

He growls before shooting after his human, hissing threats and hollering as they cackled. It'd be a pain to explain all this to Lucifer, but he thinks his human may be able to charm Lucifer and maybe even diavolo, maybe able to find their place amongst his brothers. But for now the immediate future takes second place to the distant future. To a future where he and his human roam the seas, stealing its treasures. Happy and together.

* * *

*The seas are split into two Kingdom's: Michael's and Diavolo's

*As usual none of the brothers are actually related but are instead the outcasts of Michael's Kingdom who banded together under Lucifer, staged a revolution and then fled to Diavolo's. 

*Lilith didn't die but instead did a Disney's Ariel and fell in love with a human, made a deal with Solomon and went to live as a human in the surface world, thousands of years before Mammon met MC. Lucifer lied to the brothers because it'd make it less likely for them to make deals with Solomon so that they could go to the human world as well to drag her back

*MC is probably Lilith's descendant

*Yes, Solomon has the bottom half of an octopus

*Solomon was a human at some point, who like MC had merblood and made a deal and ended up under the sea

*MC's tail is very much based off the colours for OM!'s sheep MC

**Author's Note:**

> As usual I'd adore comments!!! Would fight a bear for you if you leave a comment and that's a promise


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